Ecstacy Of Flames

2006-07-14T11:54:00.000+08:00

Gosh!! It only seems like yesterday I got to know Suzanne. And now...it's been three months already!

And I love it.

I'll never forget the day I first held her hand in Suntec. The night I first hugged her under the stars at the Esplanade, the time I first kissed her under the trees and moon at Fort Canning Park.

And it has been three months already.

Far apart as we might be, I guess I'm still happy. Happy in the knowledge that we are still together in spirit, in heart, and in mind. I never thought that I would know happiness like this again. I never thought that I would believe that I could love and be as happy as this ever.

I just hope my baby is doing ok in Singapore. I miss her so much everyday. But with everyday that passes, I am actually al day closer to seeing her again! And that makes me happy. And being happy makes me smile. Heck. The thought of her already makes me smile.

Like how I am smiling as I am blogging this entry.

Happy 3 months baby. And to many many more. I love you. And if you just hang in there a few days, you might just be in for a little something. =D

-bearcuddles-

2005-07-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: XXXessive - Yesterday

Those Were The Days

Today was my first day at the Comms Asst course at Sembawang Camp. As per normal, we all rushed to wait and waited to rush. Kena arrowed as course I/C, kena for a not up to standard uniform (which I admit I deserve), long lectures about stuff I already know, don't have to know and don't want to know. It was a long, long day.

Initial D's nice if you watch it as a movie. Without knowing the background of the story.

I miss late night phone calls, ice cream in the park in the middle of the night, joyrides, West Coast Park playground, prata sessions, Old Upper Thomson Road, Crazy videos on the bike, missing the exit on the way back from JB, Sandwich Road, Espy by day and night, JB, huge donuts, City Hall, Bridge, Great World City, and all the silly things we'd do back then cuz we were too free. Even if it meant going around JB when I was on standby. Heh. For the chocs, lunch at Secret Recipie, the gifts of the pen from China and shirt from Israel and all that. Silly pics with lions and charcoal drawings at Espy. For the thoughtfulness I never deserved.

Thank you for everything. For your friendship. This song's for you.

2005-07-07T15:20:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Jose Carreras & Sarah Brightman - Amigos Para Siempre

As Time Goes By

Time flies when you're having fun. It seems that time flies even when you are having fun or when the shit hits the fan.

Yesterday, I just enlisted into NS, today, I am but 3 months from completing my National Service. The long and short of it being that it passed so quickly, that I don't even know where I am now. I've known some friends 10 years or more. Some good, some bad. But that's the way life is isn't it? You can have a friend you've known for 8 months much closer than one of 8 years.

It's been 8 months since it happened. And suddenly, it doesn't seem as bad as I thought it was. Unless it's in my face. That might be a little too much to bear. Thank God that I'm spared the agony of that. Over 2 years since enlistment, and I was just laughing with Mark about the days out in the field. Met up with Ah Goh yesterday. So they're all working and JX is studying. Happy for all of them. To have found work and all. It's always a happy thing to see your friends moving on in life. And even more so moving on WITH life. Something that many find easy to say but hard to do. Especially me.

This song is for all you guys. I just wanna make a shout out to all those who've been there with me through the mud. Some figuratively, some literally. Nel, Darren, The Js, some of you guys at UAN, the ideal Section 3, and to all those I've missed out. You guys know who you are. If you don't, ask.

Amigos Para Siempre.

2005-07-06T12:00:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Steel Dragon - Long Live Rock And Roll

Winds Of Change

Nel left for China this morning. He'll be gone for 2 weeks and then will go back to Melbourne once he returns from China. It's strange how life shapes and moulds us. How we end up doing things we never thought we would. A victim of circumstance perhaps?

The winds of change have blown again, and it has happened. Maybe it's my turn next? At least that's how the pattern has been the last 10 years... But it's still very unlikely. At this rate I am going at least. Nothing seems even remotely possible. And I want it to stay this way for awhile. Maybe it's best for whatever's happening now. Who knows, this might all lead to something better. As someone once told me, "Everything happens for a reason..." I guess that someone is right. Perspective. It's all perspective.

I just wanna have some friends who understand. This is gay, but I miss Nel already.

2005-07-05T18:24:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Delta Goodrem - I Can Sing A Rainbow

Sleep The Inevitable Sleep

I'm very tired. Really tired. Got back from camp at what, one plus this afternoon? And I promptly KOed till now. And I still am tired. My head hurts. I haven't gotten the calls I am supposed to receive, and that in itself is very discouraging. I've gone through crazier times in a crazier state. Am I slacking off already? I hope not...

So we went for the opening address and ceremony of Exercise Tiger Balm '05 this morning. It's a bilateral exercise/wargames between the U.S Army and us. Although we were just spectator among the people, it was quite interesting. The first time I had any contact with U.S military personnel. Apparently, some have even served in Iraq. This group that came are part of the National Guard and all. Which is cool. Cuz they are doing it part time voluntarily. And if we had that here in Singapore, I'd join without hesitation.

Nel's off to China tomorrow. 2 weeks of it, then it's back to Melbourne when he comes back. And this MP3 on my playlist now... it's the song in the Australia advert on TV. Gee whiz.

2005-07-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Mr Big - Not One Night

When You Love Someone, You Gotta Learn To Let Them Go

Sunday night and I've got the blues. Monday blues. I guess it's the same all over. When you know that the next morning you have to drag yourself out of bed to start a new week at work. Knowing that you have 5 long days ahead of you before the weekend. Knowing that I have guard duty this coming Friday doesn't exactly thrill me either. So for all you people who think that it's boring and all, mine's worse. I'd rather spend it studying or doing something constructive.

Last night's Unplugged was a big hit. We had a full house packed and overflowing in the cafe. Well, maybe it's just a smaller space with the same number of people, but somehow, I don't think so. We had some rather important people present as well. Things went really smooth. The performers were great. Respect to the XV Band who blew the crowd away with the excellent piano, vocals and guitar. The songs were really catchy and stick in your head. I had lots of fun. Except for the fact that I messed up every single song that I played. Forget the chords, wrong lyrics, lousy vocals, everything, *sigh*

On a more uplifting note, the auditions for Dawn of Dreams today was great. we had loads of fun, and the performers were tip top. Hunks and chicks and all. And damn they were very good. So do expect a good performance that night.

I guess with writing and performing "Closure", I have taken that step forward to trying to let go. I won't forget it, just remember it with much fondness. I'll try and learn to let go. I'll try to learnt o move on. I'll try to keep my options open. Whatever yeah? Heh. If only she knew the new me. The things I do, the way I am. I'm not all that there yet, but I dare say the improvement is a far cry from what I used to be. But I guess she'll never know... Life goes on.

2005-07-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: XXXessive - Closure

Closure

I guess this is it. I have to try to face it and take it head on. I found something online last night. And I found out how small the world is. And when I saw it, I felt emotions that I never felt for the longest time. It gripped so hard. My nightmares came back. Just when I thought I managed to overcome it. I guess I was wrong.

Today was SAF day. Went for the parade at SAFTI MI. Took forever to start, and longer than forever to get back to camp. Needless to say, I was late for rehearsal. I wrote a song today. Something that represents everything in me after last night. My thoughts. My feelings. My emotions. It's the hardest thing I can think of to do... but I have to try. For her. I'll play it tomorrow at Unplugged.

Closure

It ended too fast, it ended too soon
At 2 o' clock that Sunday afternoon
you got out of bed, you didn't make a sound
You walked to the door, you didn;t turn around
Through the window I looked at you
Standing there on my own
Wondering if I'll see you again
Now that you've left me all alone

Now all I have are dreams of yesterday
A dream of you and me
Where your hand is still in mine
But just a dream it'll always be
Now your heart's been swept away
And you have found someone new
But I'll always try to remind myself
That it's no more "me and you"

There will come a day I know
When I'll finally learn to let you go

2005-06-30T11:59:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Iron Maiden - Can I Play With Madness

To Lose Oneself

I am tired. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Do they care? No. They want to break my barrier. Tear down the wall. I know they want to help, but it's not in my character to expose myself just like that. I will not and must not.

Been sleeping too little. Eating too much. Thinking, musing, feeling too much. Doing too little. Expecting too much.

Can I play with madness? Will I fall into my past again? I'm too scared. And yes, I am staying in my comfort zone. I can't accept failure. I cannot take it. Not for this. The stakes are too high. The people involved are too important to let down.

It's not that I don't know what is wrong. I know exactly what is wrong. I just don't know how to face it. Anything at all. Just take one and go for it. But all that matters to me in life isn't there anymore. And there is nothing I can do to get it. At least not now. It's way beyond me now.

I'll pick myself up again. Just wait and see. I'll get it all sorted out. I won't let you guys down. I won't let myself down.

2005-06-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Corrine May - Walk Away

Oh Where Oh Where Can My MG Be?

Today was a rather interesting one. Well, not really. Just that we got half a day off. The beauty of a lull battalion. Yay. Spent the entire morning in a zombiefied state due to lack of sleep. But at least I managed to get my work done.

Came home and got a call from QM Dept. Seems that the discrepency for the MG serial number is more than just a minor glitch. Apparently, according to the serial number, that GPMG we have in the armskote now may actually belong to 5 SIR and not us. Which leaves quite a big question. Being, where is OUR MG? I mean...Argh... It's major stress that a weapon is unaccounted for. I don't know... why is this even happening? 103 days to ORD and suddenly all the horror stories about a maximum of 7 years in DB for arms related cases keep appearing in my mind's eye. Not that I think that is going to happen. But it's just scary.

Anyway, caught "Mr and Mrs Smith" with Jis tonight. Really funny show. Like it alot. The whole story seemed to be a mockery of marraiges of today. Deceit, lies, secrets, etc... What is the world coming to... Had supper with Nel (again) and bumped into Ben Yam. Been like what...8 years since I saw him.

I wanna go JB on Thursday. Nel, Glor, me. I need a serious chillout session.

2005-06-26T20:05:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Tristania - Aphelion

Satisfaction

1 week down. 15 more to go. What happens then? Only God knows what the future has in store for me.

Things haven't been exactly all that smooth. Or going anywhere in the direction I want it to be. Which brings me back to this morning's message in youth service. Satisfaction. What is true satisfaction? How many times have we thought that if we had something, or someone, we'd be happy. We would not need anything else in the world. that's all we will ever want and need. And more often than not, we end up seeking for more fulfilling things to satisfy our mortal and sometimes even carnal desires.

Melbourne. Australian PR. Money. Class 2. Class 3. New bike. New exhaust system. A car perhaps. A hope of seeing her, and maybe more. ORD. Off days and leave. Staying out. 8-5. Financial stability. More welfare. iPod. Dawn of Dreams. These are but a few of the things that come to mind immediately when I think of what I want. And so this brings me back to the messages in church camp. We plan for all these things, we yearn for these things. But are they what we really need or want? Are they want God wants for us?

After the SMS and phonecall yesterday. I was down in a deep blue funk. I still am in some ways. But I guess today's message came at a very appropriate time. I needed that. And after which when I went home, I was at least greeted with some better news. Maybe I am trying to hard to do what I want to do. To have what I want. With my own strength. My own limited wisdom.

Thankfully, I'm not going back into what I used to be. Depressed. Despondant. Etc. Even though Mum told me today that I am putting on weight.

2005-06-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

Life Goes On...

Today wasn't the best of days. I mean, thank God thatguard duty went smoothly without a hiccup. No turn out. No stand-to. No nonsense. Went for breakfast with Jack then came home to chill.

Went to UAN for the Impact Challenge meeting. Things are picking up with the exception of the venue, but I'm sure that's a glitch that can be solved soon enough. Just that I received a SMS. One that didn't speel out anything good. On the contrary, it kinda sucked big time. And to top it off, mum told me about Dad's shit going on. Double whammy packed with a super duper wallop. Doesn't augur well for anyone now. Just big time bad shit that knows no bounds.

Nel came down too. Went to Cenie to watch Dahrni perform. Good shit. Amazing even. Chilled at Avalon for abit too. Stuff. I dunno. I'm feeling so messed up. It hurts. Bad.

2005-06-24T10:25:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Keiko Matsui - Tears Of The Ocean

neverendingduties

Friday morning, 10am. I awoke to the voice of Wang Lee Hom playing over my laptop. Skies are overcast. It's actually a perfect morning with just the right conditions to sleep in and wake up much later and meet a friend for brunch. But no. Ivan (the armourer) had to call at 8am on the dot and wake me up. I went back to sleep again, but I was already feeling lousy from the fact that I am going to have yet another guard duty later today. And I should rightfully be on off or leave today. so much for neverendingduties courtesy of the army.

Went out to chill with Marcus yesterday. Yes. It does seem a little strange, But hey, he NSF, I NSF. We have alot in common already. Took a trip down to Suntec to meet him. Walked around for a bit. Talked about stuff. Looked for clothes. Ended up going to his place to watch a movie while waiting to go down to Avalon. It was all rather interesting. Mama G was so intrigued that we were even hanging out. Hahaha.

Nel came down for abit. Was talking to Justina and all. I really hope he joins. UAN is everything we wanted when we were younger. It might be like, 10 years since, but it still is everything we want. The opportunities there are endless.

Nothing to end the day like having a good chill session with your best pal over prata and finding out more about the 7.

2005-06-22T22:23:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Boredphucks - Grundge Car

Vroooom....

Vroom. And that's the only thing on my mind at the moment. A good buddy of mine has fulfilled a big part of his dream. He's got himself a car. His own. Well, shared with his brother. But thereabouts. It was a good ride. A lot of fun. A lot of speed. A lot of thrills. Well, I guess it was just that I was not the one in control. So it just seemed that much scarier. I need a faster bike.

This week in camp was alright I suppose. I mean, it was alot more slack than last week for sure. Things sure are quiet around camp these days. I've been having weird dreams. Some happy, some sad. Some...happy till I wake up.

I miss her. Alot.

2005-06-18T18:10:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Corrine May - Fly Away

Fly Away...

I'm at Darren's house right now. Feeling kinda bummed cuz yet another close buddy of mine is going overseas to study. He'll be leaving tomorrow for Melbourne. As I'm sitting here alone in his room while he is sending his friends to wherever they are going to, I suddenly feel a sense of loss. Although we never really met up alot, but when we did, it was good shit all the time. He's been there through thick and thin. This is the third time a close buddy of mine is leaving for studies. And somehow, it always sucks to see them go.

I still remember the first time I met Darren. We were in Blk 5 in Ngee Ann...and we were there for some English test. I see this dude who apparently knew my friend holding a helmet walking over and I asked if I could try his bike out. Without hesitation he passed me his keys and helmet. Like...wow... Anyway, a common love for X Japan and all things as such was the beginning of a friendship that evolved into a brotherhood that I treasure loads. He's the man. Always willing to lend an ear or extend a helping hand. Full of grace and compassion and always there to give me a kick in the butt when I needed it.

Poly came and went. I still remember the days spent doing our FYP in the same lab. Skiving together in the library. Chilling at some kopitiam. At his place or mine. Playing guitar and piano. I also remember clearly the day he called me to tell me about his FYP results. And I also remember calling him to tell him about mine. Going to fellowship meetings. Looking for a bike shop on National Day. I distinctively recall SMSing him on the day of his POP when I was in Melbourne. He collected his IC yesterday. And so army also came and went.

By the time I leave his place, it will be a bittersweet feeling. One of happiness to know that he is going off to pursue his studies. One of sadness to know that one such as him is going 3000km away to where I want to be anyway. Seems that alot of my close friends are all in Melbourne. If not Australia. The land of dreams indeed.

I had a good time at his farewell gathering today at his place. Cooking, eating, fellowshipping, chilling. I made a few new friends today and yesterday. Nice people. I learnt to cook new things today. I learnt that I am gonna miss him loads when he leaves.

God willing, I'll be there in Melbourne in 4 months from today

2005-06-16T21:38:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Lifehouse - Somewhere In Between

It's Just A Game

Up till today, it has been an absolutely horrid week. Work has been crazy, and I've been getting shit from all directions. Encik sure gave Sean and me the good news left, right, centre, inside, out, upside down. Up to Tuesday afternoon, I did not even have the foggiest idea that the commercial stock take was going to start on Wednesday. Had I known earlier, I would have started work alot earlier. And maybe, just maybe, things would not have gotten so out of hand. Well, thank God that it is all over now and we've managed to settle most of what is needed. We've done our best, and all we can do is to expect the worst and hope for the best.

Sometimes, more often than not, I tend to lose focus of my purpose and aim of being here, After all, I am only a NSF. This is not my job or career. So why should I even bother? Why should I even put so much effort into something that is so temporal? It does not even really affect the rest of my life.

When I was younger, I never had a choice to do what I wanted. I believe that most of us grew up that way. We were told to carry out instructions without questions. We did things on a need-to-know basis. Out parents, guardians and teachers were absolute power. "Because-I-say-so" or "We-know-what's-good-for-you" always came out when we question their reasons behind their actions. Once awhile, we all even mustered enough courage to disobey. If we were lucky, we'd be let off with a stern warning (or empty threat). Usually, it would be a lecture or reprimand. On ocassion, it would mount up to a session with the dreaded cane. Or feather duster. Or whatever came in handy at the spur of the moment.

Tears and feelings of resentment were common during my younger years. Especially if I didn't do my homework or was caught doing something I wasn't supposed to do, I'd usually end up seeking help, comfort or protection from the more lenient parent at that moment. Thankfully, my parents would very seldom punish me both at the same time. So I would usually be able to seek "asylum" from either one.

As I grew up, I started to realise how far I could push the limits before I was punished. I learned to quickly adapt to the system in most places. I learnt to read the signs. I learnt to play the game.

Over the years, The aim or goal, the players, the game masters, the referees and the severity of the game changed. Everything changed. All but the rules and the game itself. I've heard of people who try to take things into their own hands and gone against conformity and tried to be in control of the game in more ways than one. Needless to say, they either don't last very long, keep going in circles going nowhere or end up very clueless about the reality of things.

There will always be someone above you. There will always be someone smarter. More capable. More everything. It's how you play the game. And I feel that this is applicable to almost eveything in life. Someone once said, "We're all on the same journey in life. It's just that some have better road maps."

Stock take is now over and done with. No one ate us up. No one tried to kill us. Even amongst the preparation. True. There was alot of unhappiness and displeasure. There were misunderstandings. We survived. It even went along more smoothly than we expected. My afternoon nap was immensely sweet. The first peaceful rest I had in 4 days. What would have happened to us if it didn't go smoothly? I do not know. A stern warning? A lecture or reprimand? Extra duties (our equivalent of a caning or being grounded)? Life went on and will still go on. we would have subconciously learnt a lesson and add it to our arsenal of weapons and tools in this game. One more level completed.

After all, this game only lasts for another 115 days...

2005-06-12T19:50:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Steven Curtis Chapman - I Will Be Here

Spiritual Recharge.

I'm totally zombified. I need to sleep. But I don't wanna waste a moment out of camp asleep unless I really have nothing else to do. I miss church camp. I kinda re-realised how wonderful it is to be in the community of fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I miss having morning devotions, the messages and all. I miss being in the company of them who are strong in their faith. Just as James was saying earlier that we, like mobile phones need to recharge, we as Christians need a recharge even more. Well, if not in general, I know that I need a recharge. And often too. I seem to deplete really fast.

I miss being a 16 year old kid in Sec 4. Skating. Playing truant. Going out with good pals. Even studying. Or whatever it's called. YTF. KAP. Taka. Cenie.

Went out with Nel after I got home from church camp on Friday. Esplanade, Suntec, St 22, and driving at the multi storey carpark. It was a good night of catching up, chilling out, talking, and all that kinda thing you do when you haven't seen your best friend for about a year.

Dawn of Dreams need some serious reconstruction.

2005-06-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Michael Buble - Dream A Little Dream Of Me

1 SIR 11th Mono ORD Function

It was a great night and dinner. Held at the Neptune Theatre. Our girlfriends and spouses and anyone outside the unit weren't allowed. Neptune Theatre. Go figure.

For $30, it was quite a dinner I guess. Wasn't all that fancy and all, but the door gifts and the err...entertainment was something. And it was $60 initially, but rumour has it that CO subsidised for us from his own pocket.

I'll treasure the days I spent in this unit. The friends I made. The experiences I went through. The days of fun and torture. To all my friends who are going to ORD within the week and month, thanks for the memories. All the best in your future endeavours. Take care and God bless.

I'll let the pictures tell the rest of the story. I wanted to take more pics during the course of dinner, but due to certain restrictions, we weren't allowed to take pictures while the dancers were doing their shit. e.g topless dancing.

Cheers all.

2005-06-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Jenni Cheung - First Time

1 SIR 11th Mono ORD Parade

So the day has come and gone. Our ORD Parade. The parade which marks the end of our NSF life. Or for most of us that is. Whether it's this month or 4 months from now, this is THE parade that most of us look forward to.

After 3 1/2 long days of rehearsals, all our efforts have finally paid off. As we marched into the parade square, I saw the spectator stand overflowing with everyone's family, friends, loved ones and our own commanders. Suddenly, it seemed to me that everything that I went through in this past 2 years seemed all worthwhile. It didn't seem so bad after all. And with 4 months to go... I really cannot imagine how much worse it can get.

The entire parade didn't last as long as I thought it really was. Maybe it was the endless flashes from cameras that distracted me, maybe it was the anticipation of the finale march, maybe I was too zonked out from the past 3 days. Whatever it was, it's something I'll always remember and hold close to me. And as we exited from the parade square during the slow march, and we marched past all our commanders and CO, they all saluted us. Something that put me on a kind of high. The pride I felt was unbelievable. Maybe I'm just too into the army thing. Maybe I'm crazy. But it was definately something to me.

To all those who came. Dad, Ah Goh, Tay and whoever else. Thanks for being at the parade. Your presence meant alot to me. To all those who was a part of my NSF days, I thank all of you for making it a memorable one. Be it good or bad. Because looking back now, it just didn't seem as bad as I thought it was. But once is enough. Thank you.

T minus 129 days...

2005-06-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Diana Krall - If I Had You

Just Another Parade...

Finally it's over. 3 days of rehearsals for my ORD Parade tomorrow. And quite a parade it's gonna be. Countless hours under the sun, endless retakes, but a nice feeling of pride nonetheless. And the fact that we bagged Best Infantry Unit for work year 04/05, that's quite something. If not to you or my mates, it is to me. It is my unit. My NSF life. My blood sweat and tears.

Encik just asked me over last parade to be the reserve company ensign. Or however it's spelt. Whatever it is, I'm a reserve for the dude who holds the company flag. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. I mean, I never practiced it at all. And tomorrow's the parade. If the dude don't make it down on time, it's gonna be a whole different ball game. But it's quite an honour. Contradicting feelings and thought. Sheesh.

To think that I didn't want anyone to come for this parade. After all, I only ORD 4 months after the mono ORDs. It just seemed meaningless and silly to drag my family and friends down to an event which is almost not related to me. This is for the mono after all. But after going through the rehearsals and all, I felt the same feeling when my POP parade was coming. What could be more exciting than having a parade that marks the passing out of a training phase or course? And what more a parade that marks the end (or close to it) of my NSF life? 2 years of hard work. Of ups and downs. Of pain. Of laughter and tears. Of good friends and bad. Of muddy sleeping grounds to comfortable beds in camp. It's so exciting to even think about it. I want to share it with all my friends and loved ones...

My mum's not coming. Don't think my brother is either. My dad may not be able to make it, but he said he'll try. Don't think any of my friends give a hoot about it. I guess I was being silly about asking them to come. After all, it's just another parade...

2005-05-31T23:58:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Wang Lee Hom - Forever Love

Mixed Emotions

Well, The past 2 days were spent doing rehearsals for Thursday's ORD parade. 3 days worth of rehearsals in total for a 30 minute parade. What figures. I look funny with the world's weirdest tan at the moment. Best of all, I ORD 4 months from the day of the parade. Oh well. So much for diplomas and such.

I'm starting to feel really uncertain about a certain something. And I guess that a small handful of people should know about it. Perhaps I'm not handling it as well as I should, but I'm quite at a loss at the moment. And it's tearing me apart. Torn up. Inside and out. Scared shitless.

Argh. Everything's in bits and pieces. Bumped into Kar Wai at Prata House, then Wenli when I was walking back. Can't seem to organize my thoughts. SSG Surendra gave me the good news earlier when closing the armskote becuase of rusty weapons. Err...I missed the episode of "Missing". I can't wait for the next "Unplugged" at UAN.

2005-05-28T23:59:00.001+08:00

Now Playing: Dick Lee - Follow Your Heart

The Truncheon Affair

was a great one. Although it required so many rehearsals, so many practices, so much work, so much planning, etc... it was great fun. I had loads of fun. Despite the technical hiccups, everything was great. Thank God for that. Although the sound system leaves much to be desired. But Dharni stole the show, and proved that a bad system can sound good. He rocked the entire place with a special item for everyone. Props to all the people who put it together, and to everyone who made it possible. If any of you guys who I performed with are reading this, I just wanna say that it was a pleasure working with all of you. It was a great experience and if anything, I hope to be able to collaborate with you guys again. Respect to all you guys.

COS duty tomorrow. Sheesh. When will this ever end. Bleah. 19 weeks to go.

2005-05-27T16:28:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Steve Vai - Ballerina 12/24

Fulfill The Dream

I've always loved this phrase. I've always wanted to get get there. All my life. I look at what I have been doing previously was crap. And if not for UAN, all my dreams would have gone to ratshit. The things I have learnt are simply amazing. And I am starting to live my dream. and I thank God for such an opportunity. And next on the list...is to get back right with God. My life is still a mess in the spiritual department. I need some help. Alot of help.

Life in army now's a far cry from the days when we were an active battllion. The mono's about to ORD. All I see are just duties and all coming up till the day I ORD. Which is coming soon to a soldier near you.

Concert, church camp, MIP, DS5, Unplugged, etc... Life has never been better. Plus a cute chick that I just knew doesn't make things any worse

2005-05-23T21:18:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Robbie Williams - Better Man

Stuck In A Rut

Today was a very weird day. It just went by without me realising. I mean. I did stuff. Met up with Pris. Went to Avalon, and Eunice and I had a major brainstorm. It's gonna be a closely guarded secret and only a select few will be let in. Teeheehee.

COS duty tomorrow. 139 possible days of duty left. It just seems to be so endless, it's scary. I don't know what am I gonna do to work around it, but the least I could do is try. My only possible source has broken the news. I can't get it from him. Stuck in a rut. I don't know what else I can do now but just hope and pray and work harder. Help.

2005-05-22T20:08:00.000+08:00

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Now Playing: Yngwie Malmsteen - Baroque and Roll

Question Marks

Went for youth service today. Message was "Cast not your pearls to the swine". Or something like that. I cannot remember the actual phrase. And well, that kinda kicked me abit. And when I saw the theme for church camp, it kinda hit me even harder. Could it be a hint? I dunno, but I think I've been a little off recently...

Finally went to grandma's place. Haven't seen her for the longest time and I wasn't around this Chinese New Year as well. So yeah... It's always an interesting experience when I visit my grandparents. They just seem to light up whenever their grandkids pay a visit.

I've been too stressed of late. But I like it. It's making me see a side of myself I have never seen before. If only she could see the way I am now...

So many things I want to do, acheive and fulfill. So many questions. So many problems and uncertainties. So many things I want. Please Lord....I need some help.

2005-05-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Now Playing: 林俊杰 - 简简单单

Busy As A Bee

I'm totally stretched to a limit I have never pushed before. Scary thing is, I am not snapping. Yet. Well, I guess I don't want to. Becuase I don't want to. I think I am gonna see alot of failure very soon. More than I have ever seen in my life, but it's gonna be something along a learning journey.

Had our ACT meeting today. And boy did that stress me big time. Well, I just realised that I will be performing with Mama G, Baby G, Er Cong, Willy on Unplugged Night this coming Saturday. And we've kicked off MIP. Today's AOP was superb. And I feel a mounting sense of pressure to perform and to deliver the goods. Big time. I hope I'm not screwing up. I don't wanna let anyone down. Not the guys. Not myself. Not anyone else who thought I could do it. And I just realised I haven't decided on my second song for Unplugged. And it's this coming Saturday. And I got COS duty on Sunday, and the workshop/seminar thingy. Argh!!

So many committments. So little time. One of me.

2005-05-18T19:10:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Five For Fighting - Superman

Happy Birthday Mummy. I Love You.

Today's mum's birthday. She didn't get a day off from work. Neither did she get a day off from us. She went to work as usual. Came back after work, got us dinner and made sure we were well fed before she was satisfied. She didn't complain. She didn't slack. She just did what she had to do.

When it's our birthdays, we will try demand for a day off. If that doesn't work, we resort to begging. And if all else fails, we compromise. We take the off another day when there isn't much to do. When training's more slack. We go to the PC. PS, OC and just about whoever we can rally with to fight for the 24 hours that never belonged to us right from the start.

What gives? What takes? Sense of duty and responsibility? Love for one's kids? Love for country? Love for freedom?

I hope I can start to try to make a difference. Not just to Mum, but also to Dad. Not just on their birthdays, or Father's or Mother's Day. Maybe not even everyday. But whenever I can. As many days as I can. After all... is it alot for the 22 1/2 years of love and sacrifices they have given and done for me?

2005-05-16T23:31:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Dream of Dreams

Well, if this were a war, things would be looking eceptionally bleak right now. Would I ever be able to make it back again? To breathe the air, to skate the streets, to look around and soak in the familiar smells and sights. I'm very afraid I might never make it back again. Which would utterly crush my dream.

Things haven't been at their best as of late. Got called back to camp on Saturday night an hour before I was due back. Rushed like mad, only to be caught in the world's heaviest downpour. And to top things off, the wanker of a BOS didn't even as much as bat an eyelid when I reported to him soaked to the bone. So much for 1SG Harris.

COS duty was surreal. I read the papers all through the morning, slept all afternoon, felt sick all night, and woke up this morning to a nice heavy rain which made me feel all the more less bothered to go for cookhouse duty. Got a good bollocking from the BOS for that. Oh well. So much for migraines and simple common sense.

I dreamed a dream in time gone by.
When hope was high and life worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die.
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid.
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung no wine untasted.
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your deam to pain

2005-05-13T23:45:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Ozzy Osbourne - Dreamer

Friday The 13th

Funny how as I grew up, I became less and less superstitious to be a person who throws such cautions to the wind. All the old grandmother tales and warnings became but a story I think I'll amuse myself with by by telling my kids about them someday. If I ever have kids.

So today started out by going to camp at 6+ in the morning. The running to and fro is really taking a toll on my sleep. But somehow, I like to go against logical reasoning and sleep to enjoy a few extra hours out of camp, on the internet, phone, etc. I guess I'm just silly in that way. They made us go back to camp to day just to listen to people trying to sell SAFRA memberships. And they said it was supposed to be an ohsoimportant talk. We now all know that it was nothing more than a bunch of bollocks.

The first time for everything is always something you'll remember forever. Well, significant things at least. And today was the first time I ever shot a scene for TV. It was probably the world's smallest role ever, but it was something I always wanted to do all my life, and I have finally gotten a chance to fulfill it. Yet another tick on my to-do list then. It might have lasted for all of 10 seconds, but it's good enough for me.

Had dinner with PK at Killeny while waiting for Eunice. Loads of people have been talking to me about stuff. I don't know how to react to it. Honestly, I've never had people say such things to me before. It's nice, yet scary. But... I'm gonna go for it.

I should go now. I heard it's not good to challenge superstitions. Especially on Friday the 13th...

2005-05-12T23:06:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Black Label Society - Throwin' It All Away

Throwing It All Away

Is what I want to do.
Seems to be the right thing to do.
Never seemed more inviting than now.
Doesn't matter why or how.

Immense loads upon one's back
Immense pressure to make one crack.
The faces around, all the same
The look of determination to finish this game

A step at a time, each heavier than before
An endless route march over knoll after knoll
Countless complains and hiccups within
Unending turns to where we should not have been

I've lost the drive to just go on
It's so much easier to leave it undone
No one will understand what I want to say
No one will ever bother anyway

2005-05-09T22:05:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Il Divo - Dentro Un Altro Si

One Bitten Twice Shy
It's funny how life always seems to be full of twists and turns which you will never expect. The best and worst things pop out at you from different corners you turn when you least expect it.

I got a call from Sean this morning, and man was it scary. Thank God that it wasn't blown into the proportions that it should have been blown to. And boy was I worried like anything. But not only was I let off with a warning, I even got a role in some documentary on Channel 5 and my shoot will be this Friday. How big or small the role, I don't know, but it sure is a start. And I didn't have to audition for it... And to think I was so discouraged over the HPB audition which I messed up. Divine intervention? I'm sure it's not just a coincidence and I'm just so thankful for it. Best part is, I'm even allowed to go for the shoot on Friday in spite of today's "drama". Guess I shouldn't play punk and jeopardise anything from now.

Met up with Pris today after like...over a year and all. It was good to have seen her. Talked about our plans, the old days, etc... How times have changed. Even when I was out with Glor... I just kept thinking and talking about the good ol' days in secondary school and poly.

God willing... I'll learn...and grow. I really need to and want to. And to all you peeps reading this...I really need your help.

2005-05-06T18:59:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Scorpions - Still Loving You

This Day In History

On this day, 2 years ago, 6 May '03, was the first time I met her. In Chinatown at Shark Fin House in Melbourne. Upon Grace's insistence that I absolutely had to meet her best friend. It was a nice dim sum session. And she was wonderful company. It was just sad that something cropped up and she had to leave early. Much to my dismay and dissappointment. Well, at least I spoke to her over the phone that night at Grace's place. But that night as I went home, little did I know that my life would never be the same again.

Well, 2 years have since passed and life goes on. With its ups and downs and merry go rounds. And I can't find a better way to describe the past 2 years. Everything has been like a crazy roller coaster ride. And somehow at the end of it, I am secretly hoping to get off this ride with the smile and grin of the satisfaction of the wildest ride of my life. Wild, but yet fun, and memorable and happy. Happy that I made it through the scary parts, the moments of apprehension, the twists and turns. I just hope that I will not be dissappointed with this ride. Only God knows what awaits me at the end of the ride.

2 years ago, I was a happy person. Much ideas, plans and all that. 2 years on, I'm a person who got drenched to the skin on the way home, but otherwise still a happy person. Full of ideas, plans and all that. Happy in different ways. Full of ideas and hope in different ways. Full of shit too.

I'm not giving up. Not now. Not when I have so many things I want to do. I need to do. And God willing, will do. M - 156.

2005-05-05T16:45:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Charlie Byrd & Stan Getz - Desfafinado

Rain

It's about time we had rain around here. It's been too hot and too dry for too long. It's simply wonderful. Perfect weather for a snooze, which I am about to take once I'm done blogging this.

Well, I'm really so thankful that we were allowed to book out today. Went back at 6.30 this morning. And when it came to lunch, we found out that there was no lunch, dinner and breakfast. For the entire company because it wasn't indented. It was rather, but hey, they let us book out because of that. I guess that was in itself a blessing in disguise.

It's all about perspective.

2005-05-04T22:07:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: The Offspring - The Kids Aren't Alright

To Rebuild And Start Over

Just got back from UAN. Went down cuz I decided that I needed to get out for a bit. Had a friendly with a Malaysian ZXR 400. I love the sound. The raw engine sound. And boy was it fast. Anyway, Been feeling rather down the past 2 days. Stressed and all that I guess. And I might have been thinking too much about things that should be let go. Anyway, I felt alot better after the guitar and piano session there. And taught Er Cong some guitar, and watching him progress in that hour or so was simply... heartwaming? I'm such a sucker. But I'm feeling really funny. I suddenly have ths strange urge in me to just...change.

I had a bad day. Well, it seemed bad from the beginning. My phone went bonkers on me, brought it to the repair shop, said they'd call but they didn't. I'm looking at a second hand K700i now though. Well, that means I gotta save. Sheesh. Broke as I already am without a cent.

I need to get my shit in gear. Let's just see how it goes. K700i to donate to me, anyone?

2005-05-04T10:13:00.000+08:00

When You Thought Nothing Else Could Go Wrong
So my phone decided to play punk and die on me. And that was the first thing I found out when I woke up. Not only am I even more uncontactable, ALL my contacts are in the damn contraption cuz I was planning to copy them over when I reconnected the other line.

Great. 2 lines. No phone. Not really the best thing to happen to a person who is HEAVILY in debt. What am I supposed to do now? Get a new phone? Repair this damn thing? Rob someone to get the money to even do either?!

WHAT????

2005-05-01T22:24:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Dream Theatre - Hollow Years

A Pat On All Your Backs

And this goes out to every single AvaLite who made the retreat possible. Kudos to the entire committee (basically everyone) for taking time out to plan and organise this event. I had loads of fun, and I hope you all did too. Love you guys to bits. Well people, one hurdle down. One major one to do. I'll try my best on this. I promise.

Special thanks goes out to people like Randy, PK and all those who came down to watch the UAN Unplugged Night on Friday. I really appreciate your presence there that night. And I hope that in some way, I hope the 2 numbers I did managed to meet your standards. To the rest of the guys that performed that night, you all were simply fantastic. Hopefully, this will not only showcase what we have and can do, but also be part of a step to a much greater experience.

COS duty tomorrow. Public holiday gone...

2005-04-28T23:35:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Bon Jovi - Someday I'll Be Saturday Night

Responsibilities

can be pretty hard to bear. Especially if it's something which you have never done before. Something which is so huge, and you feel solely responsible for how it turns out. And even if things don't work out due to unforseen reasons. you still feel bad for not double checking. And checking 20000 times after that.

Such is the role I am feeling right now. Did I do the right thing? Have I bitten off more than I can chew? I guess there's nothing left to do but to go full steam ahead and entrust everything to Him. I could sure do with alot of help right now.

Finally went back to ACS (Br) today. Looked for Adler to check out the concert hall and stuff. It's imply beautiful. And well, I guess it's a challenge worth giving it all I've got. For all that it's worth. Chilled at Avalon the rest of the day. And I have finally made up my mind on what I will be performing tomorrow. God willing, it will all go well.

2005-04-27T23:29:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: A Capella - Uninvited

2 Years And Going On

On this day 2 years ago, I wrote my best song ever. "Back Someday". It's not a hit hit. But I like to think of it that way, Had a mjaor jam session with Chris and Nel. I bumped into my mei, Cheryl in church. Chris went to buy scallops for dinner, and that night, we had a feast to end all feasts, Ended it with a skate and photo session down at St Kilda's beach.

2 years on, I've never been more positive than now. I'm not as positive as I could be, but I like to think of it that way. Met up with Glor, then headed to UAN to sort out some stuff for the retreat this Friday. Went over to Centerpoint with Glor to meet PK. After which, Glor went back and PK and I chilled at the Avalon. Went for a workshop on audition tips conducted by Ros. I thought it really beneficial. I just wish this was held BEFORE my audition earlier this Monday. Oh well.

2005-04-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Andy Williams - Speak Softly Love

Fulfill The Dream

I spent the entire day watching GTO. The anime version. From the moment I woke, till just about before dinner. I decided that enough was enough and proceeded to sort out my photos in my drawer. And I realised that I cannot find 2 of my albums. One was from Kinabalu, and the other, Melbourne... It is very upsetting.

Had another mental tekan session last night. Fulfill the dream. That was all I ever wanted. And the aptly named video by Shorty's is more than just a skate video. I really want to make it. But how big do I want to get? How far do I want to go? I really don't know. I can't seem to draw a line at the non existant boundary. And that is really scary shit.

I finally made that phone call I always wanted to make. I don't know how I should be feeling right now, but I am confused. Very. Lord help me...

2005-04-25T22:01:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Nat King Cole - L-O-V-E

Auditions, Birthdays and Durians

So I went for my first ever audition earlier this afternoon at Oak3 Films. I guess I did ok, but I think I might have screwed up on the dress code. And I only found out after Janet came up to me and asked if that was what I wore. Oh well, lesson learnt.

Headed to the Avalon to celebrate Mama G's birthday. Had a jam session with Kyoko, Joy and Darren. Well, singalong session would be a better term. But it was good fun. Had dinner with Stellar9. It was the first time I ever spoke to them... in a group. Maybe being more sociable's not such a bad thing after all.

And finally, Mama G's celebration and all. Good turnout. Good surprise. Good cake. Good durians. Period.

2005-04-21T19:33:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: X Japan Musicbox - Endless Rain

Rude Awakening

I was dropped a bombshell over dinner. The moolah sector for studies have taken a drastic turn. This comes in line with a series of things that have been rather depressing over the past 2 days or so.

I finally went back there 2 nights ago. It was hard. Everything came back in a flash and overloaded my already messed up mind. The sights, the sounds, the smells and the feelings were overwhelming. For a moment there, everything seemed like it was all but a dream. And judging from the way things are now, maybe that was what it really was. It was all so surreal. And the SMS that never came after the first one...that was a real blow. But maybe, just maybe, what I don't know won't hurt me. Perhaps after all, ignorance really is bliss, that the truth really hurts, reality bites hard, and hanging in a state of uncertainty will someday drive you mad.

COS duty yesterday wasn't all that bad I guess. Apart from the fact that one dude tried to attempt suicide whilst on AWOL, and had people from MSD coming down, SIB calling, and all that, everything is pretty normal. What could it be that haunted him so much that he tried to take his own life? Being in such a depressive state isn't anything alien to me, but the very act of it is totally something else. I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to do it. Althought the thought has more than 10000 times crossed my demented mind. Oh well. Now that he's alive...I think he should be in some pretty deep shit. Maybe MSD or SIB or whoever might just give him the good news.

What is it that makes it all worthwhile? What is the point of it all? Where do I go from here? Guess all I can do is to stick around and see what happens next. Stay tuned folks...

2005-04-19T19:59:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Def Leppard - Love Bites

Reminiscing

Memories, apart from the soul, are what makes a person human. Memories good and bad and all the in between. The ability to bring us back to another time and place is simply scary. They can alter our thinking, our moods, everything. Memories.

I was feeling a little below par during the course of the day today, and suddenly, images came rushing back to me. Images of a different time, a different life. Not so much better perhaps, but definately a lot happier. Or at least that's how I remember it. It seemed so long ago, yet at the same time, I could have sworn it was just yesterday. Is my mind playing tricks on me? I can't really seem to differentiate between my memories and reality. And that might very well be my downfall.

I need to pay the place a visit. Now.

2005-04-17T20:55:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Diana Krall - If I Had You

Hold On

And thus endeth my nice, long, and rather underserved weekend. It's been a great 4 days, and the COS called me earlier to tell me that everyone is to go back tomorrow because OC or someone wants to speak to all of us. And it might be something about off and leave. Or something along those lines. Not that it really matters to me. I hope. And I so want to go for Church Camp in June this year.

Today wasn't all that bad. Went for service and all. And today's message by Rev Bob Phee was pretty good. Although at times I thought he went a little off track, but it was otherwise very good. Went for lunch with Jacq and PK at West Coast. It's been ages since I had kueh chap and it was simply fantastic. Spent the entire afternoon watching "Joey", and the entire evening doing the games list and programme for the AvaLites retreat proposal. I haven't done anything of the sort for the longest time and it sure felt funny. Just trying to get into the mood for Uni i guess.

175 days. Or 25 weeks. Or 5 months and 3 weeks. I just gotta hold on for that little bit more...

2005-04-16T23:15:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Westlife - When I Fall In Love

Rejuvenated

Just back from the Avalon. Had a meeting about the Impact Challenge and all. I sincerely hope that it'll be able to go as planned. I'm just so looking forward to the retreat. God willing, I'll learn something from this.

Went for the audition for 5 Foot Broadway today. It was a pretty last minute decision. I don't know how I did, but I guess I gave my best I could given the short amount of time I had. I totally forgot that it was today. Oh well. At least I gave it a shot. Haven't felt so nervous for a really long time. I totally forgot the feeling. It was scary, but nice. Thank God for this opportunity.

And so my super long weekend is about to come to an end. It was a really good break. Guess it's back to camp come Monday. 176 days more...

2005-04-15T14:28:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Suede - Trash

Realisation

Just went for a run. As I reached my void deck, it started to drizzle. And so I started my run in the nice humid drizzle. Halfway through, the drizzle stopped and the sun decided to come out and bake all of us. It was a nice feeling, running in the scorching sun amidst the humid surroundings. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's because I have been having diarrhoea since last night.

During my run, I was just thinking. Maybe she was right after all. If I didn't go out there and just live normally, I might be missing out on so much more. And without doing so, I might not be able to know for sure what or who is it I really am looking for. I finally know what she meant by that. Because I now know what it's like out there. I know who or what I want. And right now, I want nothing more than to get NS over and done with, and carry on with life. The way it was supposed to be all along. Without other forms of distractions or so called burdens. I've got my family and buddies. I have my bike. Not for much longer, but she's still there for now. I've got Him, even though I stray away every so often, He's always been there holding my otherwise numb hands. I don't need, and I most certainly do not want anything, or anyone else. Anyway, she hasn't been talking to me for a long, long time. And she doesn't seem to ever want to again. So much for all that.

Kudos to my family for all the shit from me they've put up with all these years. To my friends out there, for everything that you've ever done for me, I love you guys to bits. You know who you are. To the rest of you, I'm just glad that our paths have crossed. I've benefitted from knowing you guys in some way or other. If it was good, thank you. I'm glad to have known you. If it was bad, I'm glad to have known you too. At least I now know how to differentiate between the good guys and wankers like you. You know who you are.

2005-04-14T09:42:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: U2 - Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me

Good Morning World!

Well, here's to a good day for all you people out there. Yes, I know the day might not even be as good as I think it is, but what better way to make a wrong day right by simply making it right? It's all a matter of perspective, and right now, I feel like I could take on the world. Then again, things might change later, but let me bask in the glory of this beautiful, sunny and soon to be insanely hot Thrusday morning.

Finally done with yesterday's COS duty. It's not really the best way to pass my time in camp, but oh well, it sure beats guard duty anyday. Things are just simply great for now while the batallion is going into it's lull period. Except for the occasional regimental duty, sai kang and watching the rest of the guys clear leave and off while preparing for ORD, things could not be better. I've seen worse days and thank God it's all over. I hope.

I'm dreaming of the many things that I want to do. The dreams I've been dreaming of ever since 20 years ago. And this seems like just about the best time to get it, if not something done. The least I could do is try...

2005-04-11T20:24:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Diana Krall - Love Letters

In An Ideal World

I awoke this morning to the sound of cars and children's laughter. I looked out of my window to see children going to school, cars onthe road, people going to work, jogging, and going about their daily lives. Many of which went on with their own activities, oblivious to the rest of the world around the. I glanced at the newspaper only to find out that another earthquake had occurred in the midst of my slumber.

Are these things happening an indication of the end times? Natural disasters, false prophets, proposed talks of world peace, political and economical unrest, etc... Are they pointing to the Second Coming? As the rain poured relentlessly earlier this afternoon, I sat down and listened to the howling wind, and I could not help but think of the stories I heard in Sunday School, the lessons from the sermons in camp, in service and all. How much into the end times are we living in? And what if Jesus was to come back tomorrow? Later? Or right this next minute. What would I do? Much as I hate to admit it, I know that I am not in the best of states to receive Him. Nay. I really need to get my life back on track. But then, I also know that I cannot do it all in my own strength. If any of you were to be so kind as to help me get my life back on track, I will really appreciate it. And at the end of it all, I know that I need God more than anything else. So please kick me in the right direction should I seem to stray...

2005-04-10T22:12:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Il Divo - Sei Parte Ormai De Me

A Load Off My Shoulders...

I'm tired. I've not felt this tired ever since my last outfield exercise with the guys. And I don't even remember when that was. It's a nice old familiar feeling, but at the same time, all the long forgotten results of my lack of proper rest are coming back. It's not a nice feeling, but it brings me back to earth again.

And the late night phone calls and SMSes continue till now. And as of yesterday, I think I had one of the best and interesting phone conversations I've ever had in the longest time. Not so much as to say that I've not had nice chats with anyone previously, just that yesterday's phone call was on a different level, but at the same time brought to a simpler level. In a good kind of way. I've never felt this way or handled anything of this sort in such a manner before. And if I have, it must have been a lifetime ago because I cannot remember when that was. If there are any of you who are wondering what I am babbling about, well... I don't know how will you ever find out what it's all about. Whatever. I feel like a huge load has been lifted off my shoulders following the call. I feel...happy. Confidant. Better. I know I have made the right decision. I am terribly happy with the stuff that's going on in my life...thank God for that...

2005-04-08T23:36:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Diana Krall - I Remember You

Uncoordinated

Such is the state of my fingers and hands at the moment. Can't seem to be able to play the guitar anymore. Well, at least not the way I used to. Then again, I never really could anyway, so why bother? Thing is, I wanna learn some songs. Write some songs. So much for my little project I had in mind. So much for all that kinda thing....

Well, all this aside, I guess things have been getting slightly better. Got my suspension fixed. Love my dad so much. I don't know how he did it, but he got me the money I needed. I really hope I can return it to him as soon as I can. And I really hope that one day if I ever have kids, I'd be able to do the same for them. If anything, I really wanna be like my dad. Love him to bits. Thank God for such a wonderful father. Same to my mum and my bro. They're like everything to me. I don't know what I'd ever do without them.

So my bike's fixed. One problem down. For now. Thank God for that. I was going mad the past few weeks. Big load off my shoulders... Everything suddenly feels like SOC RT...

2005-04-06T19:53:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Yngwie Malmsteen - Baroque and Roll

::Murphy's Law and Me::

Over the past week, I've had a series of things happening to me. They're not exactly the kind of things that would put a smile on my face. Or encourage me. But sometimes, I really wonder why. Of all the things to happen. Is it me? Is it Him? I guess it's just me. And what my relationship with Him is like.

And yes. Everything that can be going wrong is going wrong. Bike. Bills. Stuff.
Chelle has been giving me shit. Suspension. Headlights. Chain and sprocket. Stuff. All at once. My mechanic told me earlier just then that if I wanna let her go. I have to just do it. No talking or planning about it. Bikes in general. I guess he's right. In certain ways. My heart burns to see her like this. And yet serving me to the very end to the best of her ability.

To add to it, earlier on this week, there was some drama going on and for a moment there I really thought that the shit had hit the fan. I am just so thankful that it was all of a false alarm. God willing, it'll only get better from here.

I'll be involved in NDP '05. 2 years of NDP consecutively. Oh well. I am rather excited about it. After which, it'll be all the way to the day I have been waiting to reach for so very long.

Maybe it's just me, but somehow, I miss my days out in the field with the guys.

2005-04-02T23:03:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams Remix

::His Grace Is Sufficient For Me::

No matter how hard it is. I will hold on. I will press on. Even though I don't show it as much as I should. I am determined to turn my life around. Somehow, I will do it. With His hand to guide me. After all, His grace is sufficient for me.

2005-04-02T09:58:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Bon Jovi - All About Loving You

::Perspective::

And a nightmare became reality. Just yesterday morning, I decided to go for a jog. Before I could even start getting tired, I saw it. My beloved Chelle lying on her side outside Ai Tong. I couldn't believe it. I wonder how long she must have been there before I went down. And what if I didn't go running? I wouldn't have saw it... Petrol was flowing out of her tank like a river. The mirror was broken off... My poor baby...Her paint around the tank's now messed up. Her suspension's already bit the dust...now this.

And so when I went to see Mrs Lee about my Uni application, I got to her office, and the next thing I knew, the sole of my shoe gave way. Whatever.

Could this be the little things that are meant to put me down? It's all about accumulating financial difficulties so far. In some way or other. Perhaps it could be better. But I guess it could be even worse.

Well, I guess Chelle's gonna go for a lil maintainance soon enough. I'll be letting her go to Terry. God willing, things will go as planned, or if not, at least in the best way that He will provide.

2005-03-31T14:05:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Roxette - Vulnerable

::Recharge...Discharge...And I'll Still Try Again...::

Late night phone calls and constant SMSes never felt so good. Spiritual refreshment and much needed encouragement coming at a time when I need it most.

Life has been going pretty good for me these past few months. And yet many times, if not everyday, I wake up to the same empty feeling I've had for the past 7 years or so. A longing inside me that just yearns for filling up. And it's starting to hit me real hard. Could this be God's way of telling me that it's about time I get my shit back on track? It feels like it in many ways. But yet why do I choose to turn away and try with my own limited and futile human strengths and efforts? Then again, I guess it's true. My spiritual life has been on a major down for the longest time, and I really have nothing to lose to try surrendering totally. What have I got to lose?

And so I have decided to give it a shot. But knowing that spiritual warfare is perhaps the hardest war to fight, it scares the shit out of me. Big time. To fight against Forces that are out of this world (literally) isn't something to be coughed at. To know that the Enemy will come out at me with everything is awfully scary. And it'll come in every possible way. And even in ways beyond my wildest imaginations. But I guess I'll try again. Help me...

::Hiccups::

No. Not real hiccups. But hiccups in plans. So I went down to CMBP today to see some dude. Turns out that he's on MC. Gonna have a heart surgery of sorts. And I went all the way there for nothing. In the drizzle.

At the same time, since I was going to CMPB anyway,I wanted to help my brother extend his passport. Printed the forms, filled them up, and went down in a lousy mood since I didn't get to meet the fella from CMPB. When I got to the passport office, I realised that I had to bring my bro's IC along, and I didn't do that. So much for killing twor birds with one stone.

And in an extremely sour mood, I decided to head home. En route, I found that my bike's suspension's just about bit the dust. To top things off, I rode home on a very unstable suspension. And the rain poured down...

2005-03-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Pink Floyd - ???

::Bursting At The Skin::

My thoughts are random. But it goes something like this. Penang Hawker Food Fare. Buffet. Go figure.

::Easter Sunday::

Could barely get up for sunrise service this morning. I dragged and pulled myself out of bed and kicked myself in the butt till I reached church. Much as I hate to samefully admit it, I was struggling to keep awake and at quite a number of moments fell asleep. For BOTH services. Lesson 1: Get enough sleep. Lesson 2: Sleep in less obvious places.

::The Eye 10::

So I went to meet Joanne for a movie after service. Caught "The Eye 10" at Plaza Singapura. Horror met comedy in the silliest and lamest ways. But I caught myself laughing along with the rest of the crowd. If you can't beat them, join them.

2005-03-25T23:22:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Starlight Express OST - Make Up My Heart

::Utterly Confused::

Right now, I'm even more confused than before...

2005-03-25T13:50:00.000+08:00

Now Playing:Michael Jackson - Beat It

::Good Friday::

First of all, hope that all you guys out there are enjoying your Good Friday. That over and done with, I can start my incessent whines. I think.

Booked out yesetrday at all of 1600 hrs. I thought I was making so much noise about it because we were supposed to have a half day and all. Only at night did I find out that Darren was still in camp at all of 1900hrs. =| Guess I don't have much to complain about. Except for the dude who argued witht he messing warrant officer, and we gotta come back to camp before we are cleared to go on off again next week.

Service yesterday was good. Went for dinner with PK at West Coast Maccas. Talked about stuff. Went to Al-Ameen after service for eats with PK, didi, Alvin and his girlfriend and Shareen. I guess it was really nice to have caught up with them. I've known Shareen and Alvin all my life. Literally. And the memories, the stories, everything...they just go way beyond time itself. And we are all getting old for that matter.

"Come grow old with me, for the best is yet to be." - Robert Browning

2005-03-22T18:10:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Pantera - Revolution Is My Name

::Of Dreams and Reality::

Went down to Education Link to speak to Mrs Lee and the MIBT/Deakin Representative today. Guess I'm more or less headed in that direction already. Once I get the green light from Mum and Dad, I'll go all out for it.

Thing is, I also just found out that there's gonna be an intake in October itself. Orientation's on the 19th. Just 9 days after I ORD. Will it be a little too rush? Will I have any problems? I guess it's all in God's hands now. I just want to be able to start my life all over again, and put whatever has happened behind. To get back to school and all. Get my life back on track, to well...start over.

Again, I am apprehensive about certain things. What about UAN? And even more so, what about the AvaLites? Once again I am torn apart. And with just a little more than half a year to ORD, and a whole load of stuff to settle, I need to get my bearings right as soon as I can. To start preparing for the next chapter in my life. To do the best I can.

I'm just really thankful that God has been opening the doors for me in many ways. In ways I have never even dreamed about. All the things happening, all the opportunities, it's definately not your usual day to day things going on.

2005-03-20T11:22:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Jesus Christ Superstar - Overture

::Stumbling Emotionally::

I never really thought about it until I was posed with such a question recently. Am I being stumbled emotionally? Lord help me. I don't know.

2005-03-15T19:45:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Deep Purple - Sometimes I Feel Like Screaming

::The Streets, My Skateboard and Me::

After what happened this afternoon, I finally remembered why I used to be the way I was as a young teen. All the feelings and emotions just came rushing back to me. The sudden fear, realisation and plain vanilla anger. The old sensations and immense need to go out and destroy, to fulfill the dream, to take it out on everything that went against freedom of speech, movement, rights and that kinda childish things.

Finally, after 1 year and 9 months. I stepped on my skateboard again. A piece of wood and some wheels never felt so good.

2005-03-15T16:05:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Fuel - Bad Day

::Life Bites::

So when life takes a sudden 286 gazillion degrees turn, what do you do? I'm so disoriented by my surroundings I don't know where I am.

It never fails. You just gotta get all hyped up about doing something good. Something different for a change, then you get bogged down by something old. In ways that hit you so hard, you're nothing but a nervous wreck. Yes, you have to be responsible for your actions, but sometimes the price is just to high to pay. Literally. It could have been worse, but who looks at it that way?

After all, NSFs have always had a meager allowance. People of yesterday will always say they had it worse. But then again, life was different back then. Things were cheaper, there weren't as many distractions to spend on and there just wasn't such insane inflations. Et cetra, et cetra.

I am going to skate.

2005-03-14T21:23:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Alice Cooper - Poison

::Days Of Our Lives::

30 weeks to go. And what goes on from there? On Saturday before AOP at the Avalon, Terence spoke to me about what I'd like to do in the future, and much as I have been trying to think about it recently, I couldn't answer him. Which is pretty scary considering the amount of time I am left to play around with. Which incidently is actually close to zero.

I am actually considering studying in places out of Melbourne. And even as far as Texa, USA. But what am I going to study? And where does that take me to? And what can I do from there? Many questions that are in need of answers and of which I am in no position to answer at the moment.

"Map out your life. But do it in pencil". -Jon Bon Jovi Truer words have never been spoken. I guess this is a wake up call in some ways. Especially after Sunday's message in church. "Re-discovering Christ" I think I need to do some serious self reflection and stuff. God help me.

2005-03-11T08:36:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Cacophony - Images

I've always wanted to write something about Paris Hilton, but I never knew how to. I've always thought that she's great in her own way, but I didn't know where to start or even where I made that connection in my demented mind. I stumbled upon this entry from another blog and it all finally made sense.

::Paris Hilton is not stupid... kinda.::

I have had numerous requests to write about the remarkable stupidity of one Miss Paris Hilton. Yes, I do agree that the bitch does some tremendously moronic things (dating the notoriously sketchy Rick Solomon comes to mind) but I must say, that I am a fan of Paris. I personally think it's fucking great that she's famous just because she knows how to spend money. A woman after my own heart. If I were the kind of person who valued substance over style I'd likely be singing a different tune, but lets face it, she is fierce and that is what really matters. What I especially love about Paris is that everytime a sex tape is released or a Sidekick hacked or whateverthefuck, she is practically unphased. As long as she can still pose for a camera and make pouty faces or stare at herself in the mirror, she's a-okay. And that is, I think, the true allure of Paris Hilton: She's so absurd and narcissistic and wrapped up in her own pink colored, candy scented, diamond encrusted world that it's almost cute. Almost.

I also love PH because we both subscribe to the same school of thought: even if people are talking shit about you, it's better than them not talking about you at all. And really, if you were worth eleventy billion dollars would you give a fuck what people thought about you? Not likely. I'm sure many people reading this will say "well look you dumb bitch, you can apply this same thought to Beyonce, why do you hate her? Paris has fake hair too, why didn't you comment on that. you're fat and ugly die die die" and so on. And my answer is this: Paris Hilton, for all her narcissism, does not claim to be anything other than what she is - An attention whore with a whole lot of $$$ to burn. She accepts it, she deals, she lives, she spends. She may pretend to be "singer" or an "actress", but it's not like she's doing this shit to make a living. It's just something to do. Monday - jetset to Milan, buy clothes. Tuesday - cut album. Wednesday - stand in front of movie camera and pretend to be scared. Thursday - buy shoes.....

Paris put tiny dogs on the map. No one, besides rich old ladies in Milan, carried little dogs in bags and shit and now EVERYONE has a knockoff Tinkerbell. I'm sure she probably earned Tmobile millions in revenue from Sidekick sales. She's a force of nature, and she had absolutely no talents whatsoever. That's hot.

I will now brace myself for the barage of hate.
(This entry was reproduced from http://stupidfamouspeople.blogs.friendster.com/.)

2005-03-10T14:53:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Suede - Beautiful Ones

::7 Months To ORD::

Booked out after guard duty ended this morning. I wonder what the guys are doing now. Our Division Commander was supposed to have taken a tour of our company line this morning. Tired like anything. And in my semi conscious state, I left my book in the guardroom, and my script for AOP this Saturday in my bunk. So much for booking out in a rush.

Kudos to Joy for sending me another script within such a short period of time. Hang in there PK, we'll think of something. And yes. Boy and I glad we managed to hit the kelong before all this happened.

I'm in a serious need to partake of some form of nourishment. Now.

2005-03-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Eunice Foo - Canon In D

::Asthma, Near Misses and Other Things::

Today's not good. Asthma. Pissed the guard duty guys off accidently. 2 near accidents in 5 minutes. A short script to memorise over the next few days. And I am supposed to be back in camp 3 minutes ago. Guard duty tomorrow when the rest book out and go home. So what happened to you today?

2005-03-05T02:55:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Queensryche - Silent Lucidity

::Miunderstood::

I like gothic art. I'm weird. So sue me.

I have been horribly misjudged, mistaken, misunderstood. I'm sure many people out there have been in a situation like this at one point or another. So what does it matter. Thing is, many times, it's always by someone whom we least expect. And it hurts. Whether they know it or not. Friendships are destroyed, relationships broken, tears are shed, then life goes on.

More often than not, we try to explain ourselves. To right the wrong. But it usually fails. Horribly. And we end up licking our wounds and healing our hearts with fast speeds, booze, smokes, food (or the lack of it), physical pain to mask the emotional and the likes. I've decided that if things are already what they are, let it be. No point trying to win a war that's already lost. They have every advantage over us in the argument simply because we never made ourselves clear in the first place. Two wrongs don't make a right. And endless wrongs doesn't auger very well for me.

Misconceptions and assumptions have destroyed many a life and future. History always repeats itself.

Then life goes on...

2005-03-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: XXXessive - Live My Dreams

::Sentosa::

Sentosa with Steph, Jing Jing and Aunty Grace. Jam session with Joy at the Avalon. Walked around town with Steph, then dinner with Gina, Eun and Steph.

::Melbourne::

I wanna go back to Melbourne.

2005-03-01T12:49:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Katie Melua - Closest Thing To Crazy

::Mr and Mrs Slyvestian Tan::

Heartiest congratulations to my friend Cindy on her marraige. I'm so very happy that she has found the person whom she can spend the rest of her life with. Wanna wish the couple a very happy marraige and At the wedding dinner last night, they showed clips of their wedding photoshoot, and her husband made a short speech with the story of how they met. That got me reminiscing. Well, 2 friends' wedding dinners in a row one day after the other really got me thinking...

Really happy for my friends who have found their other half. May they be blessed in their life together.

::Thrills and Spills::

So I went to meet Tay and his friends after Cindy's wedding dinner. Went down to AMK to look for him. Chilled at a coffee shop for awhile, then decided to head to Upper Seletar Reservoir to chill. Hit Devil's Bend on the way there. Well, I saw the headlights of two bikes follow me into the road, but none came out as I was waiting at the end. After waiting about 5 minutes, I knew what happened. Just who and where. Turned out it was Tay who slid off in a right turn. Thank God he's fine with just scratches. And his bike's pretty ok too. Just minor damage. Went for a drink to just relax and chill. I'm really glad he's ok.

Every bike accident I see...I just stop and think, "It could have been me...."

2005-02-28T11:44:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Suede - Saturday Night

::Mr and Mrs Goh Boon Wee::

So Ah Goh's finally married and all. How sweet. Went for his wedding dinner and all yesterday. It was a really great day. Met the guys the night before, then went over to his wife's place in the morning. They were nice. They didn't play with us much and we managed to get into the house without much hassle.

Went back to his place for his tea ceremony. Hung for abit, then went over to JX's place before catching 'Hide and Seek' at J8. Went down to the restaurant for the dinner after that.

Smiles were smiled. Laughs were laughed. Hands were shaken. Toasts were toasted. And guests were smashed. Me included. For the first time in my entire life I got so insanely high on booze. Never before. Never again. Not even my wedding. So all you peeps out there who wanna get me knocked out, think again.

To Goh and his wife: May you be blessed with happiness in your marraige life. All the best in the forthcoming years and beyond. Brothers always.

2005-02-22T17:32:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Forest Gump OST - Feather Theme

::Dust and Sinus::

We spent the entire day in camp dekittin our stuff. And after all is said and done, we've still got a shitload of stuff left undone. Sometimes, I just wish everyone would just be a little bit nicer, considerate, cooperative, whatever. That way, I feel and think that our work would be alot easier, efficient, and easier to bear. So much for Utopia. And the fact that it's so dusty in the lousy store doesn't help my sinus at all. Spent every free moment sneezing my nose off and all that. Even now.

So it'll be Goh's big day this Sunday. And Cindy's the following day. It's so scary that 2 of my friends are actually getting married. I mean...are we getting that old? Are we even there yet?! Marriage. Seemed so simple when I was younger. But we learn something new everyday. With every experience. With every success or failure. With every relationship. With every tear shed. I guess I am not actually ready to be in a relationship. Or to even think of marraige. Much as I want to. But I've got to be realistic and practical. It's just too...difficult. Not in my current situation. But it doesn't hurt to hope and wait does it?

2005-02-21T15:29:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: 王力宏 - 唯一

::Back To Camp::

Finally. After more than a month, I will be booking in tonight. It's kinda weird. I went back to camp yesterday to put my stuff down. The place looked so...different. Like as if it were but a distant memory. When I entered my bunk...the whole place looked so alien, but yet so vaguely familiar. Oh well. I wonder what's it's gonna be like when I finally ORD.

Got a rehearsal at the Avalon later. Hope that I'll be able to make it for the orientation this coming Saturday.

I'm feeling funny. I don't know if it's good funny or bad funny. Just funny. Please excuse my English there. Something feels different. Don't know what it is. Can't really say for sure...but I hope it'll be something good. Eventually.

2005-02-20T17:25:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Beverly Craven - Promise Me

::Back In Singapore::

Well, so this is it. The end of my holiday and I'm back in suuny, hot and humid Singapore. Home humid home.

Had a really great time in Hong Kong. Spent Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day there. CNY was ok, I got sick, that's all. And V Day...well...I blogged about it. Spent it in Macau myself. Oh well, I guess it is good to have time alone to myself anyway. At least I am no longer dependent on people to be around anymore.

It's very hot here. I can't believe how hot it can get here. Heat is bad. Humidity is worse. And I just realised, without different seasons, we cannot enjoy the different fashions and fun and nonsense of each season. But I am being silly. Hong Kong is a nice place. Beautiful scenery, nice people, interesting food, cute girls, pretty girls, a few nice cars, a few nice bikes, lotsa stuff along that line. The weather was perfect while I was there. Cold. Cool. Freezing. Perfect after a long time in Thailand. Just that the heat here's kinda getting to me.

::Uncontactable::

I will be uncontactable for quite awhile. My mobile line's been cut off. For those who have been in the same situation, you know why. For those who don't have the foggiest idea why, well...lucky you. If you wanna look for me, try MSN or calling me at home. If not, oh well...just like the song by Dream Theatre, "...try another day."

2005-02-14T19:31:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: ------

::Happy Valentine's Day::

Hello guys... first things first, Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. Yeps. It's V-Day today and I hope all of you had a good time with your significant other, family, friends, pets, bikes, pets, cars, colleagues, alone... Yes alone. Just like me. Heh. But I had a pretty good day myself. I went to Macau for a day trip and boy was it fun. So it isn't all just casinos and gangs and all as I earlier thought. On the contrary...it's got quite a history and all. Really rad stuff.

I've been having a really great time in Hong Kong so far. Really wish that you guys could be here too. so many things to see and do and just soak in. I guess holidays are like that eh? We take what we have back some so much for granted and never stop to realise that we actually do have alot to see and experience as well. Whatever.

anyhow, it's 6 days till I am due to be back in Singapore. Not by choice but by circumstances beyond my control. Both military, and monetary. *sigh*

I should be in Melbourne today. Right now.

2005-02-08T16:34:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: ---------

::Hong Kong::

Hey all...greetings from Causeway Bay, Hong Kong. Or somewhere around that area. In the library now cuz thisis the only place I know where I can get free internet access. Anyhow, the place simply rocks and all. Lovely weather, but too many people for my liking. It's been good so far, and I hope that you guys have been having fun back home too.

::Happy Chinese New Year::

To all you peeps, just wanna wish you all a very Happy Chinese New Year. Get loads of ang pows and have a blast. It's kinda weird being away from home for CNY, but I guess there's always a first for everything eh? And who says I'm not filial and all...I'm here to look for my cousin and other distant relatives. So there. Who have you metup with today?

2005-02-06T16:54:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: ------

Well. At the airport now. Gonna board the plane in a few. You peeps take care ok? Miss you guys loads already. Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine' Day in advance.

2005-02-06T14:57:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Alias - More Than Words Can Say

::Winter Holiday::

Well, off to the airport in awhile. Off to a winter holiday. Finally, somewhere I can freeze myself to death instead of the endless heat in Thailand and Singapore. I'm rather stoked on the thought of going away again, but at the same time, I wish I could be at UAN's artiste orientation this coming Saturday. Miss you guys already. Wonder what it'd be like if I can really go backpacking in Cambodia?

::Post ATEC::

Now that ATEC is over, and just about everyone is in their ORD mood, I really hope that life will be a lil more slack with more time for me to do other things. Like UAN for instance. It's nice to know that the journey is almost over, and thus the ending of another chapter of my life. Yes yes...I still have more than 200 days to go, but it's food for thought.

It was a good exercise I guess. I wish I was out there with the guys. Fighting with them. But perhaps we all have our bit to do and being a storeman for ATEC was actually the result of my decisions and actions. It could have been different, but I like to think of it as trying different things as much as I can whilst in service.

::Miss You Love::

Valentine's Day coming up...lotsa people I know all thinking of where to go, what to do, who to call, and with Chinese New Year ang pows piling in prior to V Day, I'm sure the possibilities are endless.

To all my friends who're attached, engaged, married, or just simply have their special someone, I wanna wish you all the best. And may you peeps have a wonderful and memorable evening with your date. And that goes out especially so for you didi...

To those who are like me, dateless, steadless, useless...(oops), do something with your pals. Go to the beach. Movie marathon. Disturb couples at the park. Have a blast with your friends. There's more to life than just a significant other. So snap out of it and get a beer.

Happy Valentine's Day you. =D

2005-02-06T01:51:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Gary Moore - Still Got The Blues

::Leaving On A Jet Plane....Again::

So I'll be off to Hong Kong tomrrow afternoon. Or evening. Whichever. Been quite awhile since I went on a holiday. Not since I POPed from BMT and went to Bintan. Well, so maybe that wasn't much of a holiday. I guess nothing will beat my trip to Melbourne. So it's off to Hong Kong tomorrow. haven't been there for the last 20 years. I'm quite excited at checking the place out. And well...much as I wish I was going Down Under, I think this is actually a better choice and decision. My first Chinese New Year away from home. Whee~!

::Harry's @ Holland V::

We went. We chilled. We brought the house down. At least I like to believe that we did. Went to meet PK, Jacq and Glor for a drink at Tango's. Where we sat in the middle of nowhere, drank good beer, and moved on to Harry's when Erzwin came down. Jianxiong and Tay came too. It was a pity Jacq left early. Well, so we were just requesting for oldies and stuff like that. That alone somehow attracted quite alot of attention to us. I guess it's not everyday you get a bunch of guys in their early 20s (SHIT WE ARE OLD!!) asking for songs that people in their 50s would listen to.

We decided on an impromptu birthday celebration for Jianxiong. Got a cake. had a joint celebration with the other table who were celebrating another guy's birthday as well. I had loads of fun. I hope they had loads of fun. And if any of you are reading this, I hope YOU had loads of fun.

Went to the park when Glor and PK left. Played guitar. Talked. And well, bonded? Haha. Male bonding. 4 guys. In a park/playground. In the middle of the night. Go figure. Well, we ended up going for supper. Props to Erzwin for being such a sport and paying not only for supper but also for the drinks we had earlier. And also to the guys at Harry's who gave JX a free shot on the house for his birthday.

::UAN Artiste Orientation::

Had a meeting at the Avalon this afternoon. I am just so stoked on the upcoming events. Perhaps, after all...dreams do come true.

2005-02-04T14:13:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Steel Dragon - Wasted Generation

TRADE: my GF for your R6

I have a slightly used girlfriend, 1982 model, white with black top, 5’6”, 110 lbs with 36C cups and excellent tail. Features one of a kind exterior, wild styling, and razor sharp handling. Quite a looker, turns a lot of heads when parked somewhere. She sometimes runs a little rough but is extremely fun and performs quite well once you get her going. Has good after-market add-ons (tattoos, piercings, college degree) and comes with lots of accessories and some hard luggage. Can be cranky and a bit of trouble to start, especially on cold mornings. I don’t advise using the choke. Seems to idle okay most of the time, and fuel consumption is good, though response is best with premium beer. Sometimes she’s a little fussy, stops cooperating without any explanation, and wants to be in control most of the time. Then again, many of my friend’s wives are like that, so it seems like people don’t mind this sort of thing. I've invested a lot in her, and in some ways I'd hate to part with her. However, I realized I’m not looking for a project that requires this much attention, and the long term cost of maintenance on an exotic model like this is just killing me. Will trade for any year YZF-R6. Prefer a straight bike with no issues, minimal modifications. Ex-race bike is okay if it comes with clean papers and is ready for normal street duty. I can fix minor mechanical problems, and cosmetic damage is fine. However, I’m tired of trying to work miracles just to have a dependable source of fun.

Serious offers ONLY – NO test drives.

2005-02-03T17:34:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Zakk Wylde - Between Heaven and Hell

And so life once again makes yet another turn. Not quite literally, but at least in my army life there's yet another change. ATEC is over. We're about to go into our lull period really soon. I'm already starting to see the final chapters write itself out with about 8 months to go. The commanders are now clearing their ORD leave. The mono intake ORDs this June. My time will come someday...

It's good to be back home in Singapore. I've finally taken a nice warm bath. Slept in a nice comfy bed. Used a clean toilet. Seen real girls(Not huge men who wear short skirts). Caught up with friends. Spent some quality time with my much neglected bike. Used the internet at proper connection speeds. Learnt that we take life and its simple pleasures too much for granted.

I'm off to Hong Kong this Sunday for a couple of weeks. See all you peeps when I am back. Again.

2005-02-02T08:36:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: 张学友: 只想一生跟你走

I am back. Finally!! Back home in wonderful Singapore. The feeling is simply amazing. Missed you guys loads when I was away. Well...if any of you even knew that I was away...

2005-01-30T13:12:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: -----

So it goes on. 3 days before I am back home in sunny Singapore. Where I kinda miss. Not because I am simply in love with the place, but I'm just sick and tired of Sai Yok, Kanchanaburi, Thailand. Desolate place with many lovely locals. No one deserves to live in a place like this, but we all get our slice of life here and there. But so much for all that. It's off to HK 4 days after I am back in Singapore. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

It's been a lousy 23 days here so far and am I glad that it is coming to an end. I guess I'll still miss it once it's all over, but do allow me to bitch and whine about it while I am allowed to. It is my right.

Hope all you peeps back home have been good. Don't really know much off what's going on in Singapore. I don't care, but this plac just makes you wanna care like your life depended on it. Like..who the hell uses a 14.4 modem anymore....takes forever and a day to get your page loaded, and even longer to just do stuff.

3 days to go...a lifetime more to go through.

2005-01-28T09:35:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: ----

SO like...I've been here in Thailand 3 weeks. I don't like it here. I wanna go home. Yes I am whining like a bitch...but you'd do the same if you were here.

Anyhow, hope all you guy back home have been good. Miss all of ya. Mum, Dad, Josh, Pk, Liang and the rest. The guy at UAN and last but certainly not the least...my bloody bike man. Shit I need to ride.

Will be back next week I guess. If all goes well and I don't die here. It's bloody hot in the day...and freezing cold at night. It's been a long 3 weeks...with 5 days or so to go. I just wanna go home.

2005-01-17T19:06:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: ------

Sawadikap folks. Greetings from Thailand. This plus sucks donkey ass. Well, at least the place I am in does. Don't know if anyone will even read this since the world thinks I can't access the internet. Whatever.

Miss all you guys loads. And I simply can't wait to be back in sunny Singapore. Hope all you guy have been good. Uhmz..Yeah.

Things aren't exactly a blast here, I've had better times. But I've also had much worse...so yeah. Anyhow, take care all, and I'll see you peeps when I am back. Whenever that is.

2005-01-08T02:06:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: ------

::Changi Airport::

Right, my final blog before I leave. At the airport right now. This sux...having to have found out what I did just before I leave forATEC. I guess that's the way life is. Sneaky and everything.Anyway...life goes on. Somehow...someway...someday. I miss all of you already.

2005-01-07T01:20:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Wind Of Change

::Happy Birthday Gina::

So we all celebrated Gina's birthday at the Avalon tonight. It was really fun. I enjoyed myself tremendously. And she also seemed to like the song I wrote, so I guess I'm happy. Heh. But it was kinda rushed, so I think I'm satisfied for what it was at that time. Anyway, Happy birthday Gina. May you have many happy returns this year. Take care and all the best in your final year in JC. It'll be over soon. Enjoy yourself, study hard, and all the best with Andy as well. If any of you peeps see this, have her have a look at this k? Thanks.

::Plans::

I was pleasently surprised when Awi asked how I wanted to do up my song. I'm really happy that someone thinks enough of it to feel that it can even be recorded properly. I guess it's really a dream come true for me. "All my life, note by note for all of my life, I think I have hit the right note. Play me" Heh. I'm sure you guys from UAN will know where this was from. Awi also mentioned something about some stuff about a musical and stuff. I'm so excited. If things do work out, and the rest of my NS stint goes smoothly, I really wanna try and have something work out here at UAN. For all the crap I went through just a month and a half ago, I guess I'm putting what I have learnt to good use. I'm really thankful for this God given talent, and with His help, I wanna be able to get my life back on track and serve Him through this. With the number of new people I have been meeting, it's mind boggling. And I feel that I just have to do something, anything. And this might just be the perfect opputunity.

::Kudos::

To all of you who have been an important part of my life. For the countless hours in the mornings, afternoons and nights listening to me bitch and whine and complain. For all the times when you were there when I needed you most. For the unconditional friendship and love you have given to me. I thank you from deep down.

-Mum and Dad-
Thank you both for all the love you've given and showered on me. Much as I never deserved any of it with all the crap I put you guys through. For the endless hours of worry. For the sleepless nights I caused. For the tears and pain I brought to you both time and time again. Thank you for never giving up on me. For the endless prayers and never ending chances you always gave to me. For the hope that one day I'll grow up and be more sensible. God willing, I'll be a much better person when I am back in Febuary. Yes I'm 23 this year, but I have realised that I'll always be your little boy still. And I'll always want to be your little boy. I love you guys for that. Thank you for everything, for the sacrifices you guys made just to give me nothing but the best. I love you both so much. Even though I may not show it at times(or many times), but I really do.

-Joshua-
You've been the best brother in the world. I cannot imagine what my life would be like without you. The crazy arguments and quarrels and world wars we've staged over the silliest issues. The times we hung out together with your friends and mine. The first time you sat my bike and freaked out. The second time you sat my bike and loved it. The times you came to pass my my stuff in class when we were both in JS. All the shit we did. I'll always remember them. Wanna wish you all the best with Adee. Hope you guys have the sweetest relationship ever. Look after her well, and trust everything to God. I don't ever want you to go through the shit I went through. You're old enough to make the right decisions bro. So make them. Study hard and don't make Mum and Dad worry for you so much. I gave them enough shit to last them for the longest time. Thanks for the little(and big) things you've done for me. I can't believe you're gonna be 19 in just a month or so. Continue to grow in Him and trust in His ways. But just like Mum and Dad will always see us as their lil kids, you'll always be my lil bro. And there's nothing you can do about it. So there. Heh.

-Nelson-
My bestest buddy forever. We've been through so much and yet so little together. The crazy days in secondary school. When you were in the army. When I was in Melbourne(I'll never thank you enough for letting me crash at your place for 2 whole months). Thanks for never giving up on me when I was at that point of time in my life. For your encouragement and advice and patience. I'll never forget all the stuff we did and went through. The pile of ice cream at Ponderosa. The funny dude following us from the toilet. Skateboarding. In-Line Skating. Swimming. Running. Jamming. Silly songs about our lives. Riding my bike. Driving your car. Drinking. Chilling out. Crashing at my place. Crashing at your place. "The Big Hit". "Truth or Dare" with Sam in the dead of the night at Pierce Reservoir. The puppet bear at your place. Scraping your shin. Skating through Suntec. Every single day in Melbourne. Prozac. Comparing who's fatter(We're so gay). Nirvana. Nelson Iha. Kurt. Zakk. Jumping into the sea from the yacht. We'll get there someday bro. You and I. We'll live our dreams. All the best with Dawn, your studies. I hope your shit works out soon enough. You're the best. Thanks for everything dude.

-The Brotherhood- (Or what's left of it. Jacq, you're one of us.)
You guys know who you are. The crazy things we've said and done. 7/8 congee. Stomping in puddles in the rain. Jamming sessions(Yes. You included. Go turn off the distortion). Wild Sentosa days and magical nights. Beers. Birthday parties. Chill out sessions by the pool. Riding. Getting into trouble and needing me to get you out of it. Go easy on the volume next time. Kopi. Holland V. Gila Gaja. Bastard. Really bastard. Black outfits. Cooking sessions. Talk cock sessions. Al Ameen at Woodlands. United Square Mac's. Pizzas. Words of wisdom. Following me to my last book in to Tekong. My POP dinner. Yeah yeah. You 2 ORD liao. My turn soon enough. Lido Gardens during Christmas season years ago. SS camp. YF camp. Silly reasons to leave the church premises. Church camp with free billiards, *ROAR*, and all the crazy shit in my yellow box room. "%$^&!!!! SO IT WAS YOU!!! !@#$!!" at Scotts Picnic. And the list goes on.

-You-
Thank you for everything you've ever done for me. For the sweetest memories in my whole life. For the "Sweet November". For all the painful but important lessons you taught me about life, about myself. You've given me the happiest moments ever in my life. For all the love, care and concern you've shown me. The green ping pong ball. Macca's at 5am. A rose from nowhere on my jacket in the car. Joyride to my school. My first cable car ride in Singapore. Kaya toast breakfast at Killeny Road. Dinner and breakfast at Chinatown. Sharks Fin House in Chinatown. Cooking and movie marathon sessions. China Bar at Crown. Mekong on Swanston. Torquay. The photo frame. Hugs when I needed them most. Giving me a taste of Heaven. I thank God for bringing you into my life. Wanna wish you all the best in your work and studies. Maybe, just maybe..."You'll be back someday...

-Nicole-
For some really funny reason. Our friendship is really weird. From what we were to what we are, it's quite unheard of. It's really strange, but special. Thanks for being there. For advice. For silly names. Swimming. Asking for the time. Looking after me at Sentosa when I was sick. Being so patient with me when I was so unreasonable. For making light of the fact that I was such a grouch. Joyrides to nowhere. Sharing secrets. The lil gift you gave to me and I so carelessly lost with my wallet. For being concerned when no one was. Calling once awhile to check on me. Let's go swimming soon when you're back yeah?

-Gloria-
Thanks for being such great company. I still can't believe how we met, but I sure am glad we did. You've been a wonderful friend and counsellor. Thanks you for being such a great sport. Joyrides. JB. Ice cream in the park. Taking videos when I'm riding. Prayer when I had a splitting migraine. Bonsai garden in Suntec. West Coast Park Playground. Espy outings. Silly photos. Prata suppers. Bridge. Discovering funny places in Singapore. Encouragement when I'm down. You've been such a blessing in my life. All the best in your Theological Studies next month.

-UAN-
Thanks for the oppurtunities you've given to me. I'll never be able to explain how much this is to me. It's my dream come true. The longest surviving dream and ambition since I was just a little kid. You've made it a reality for me. Thanks Jacquie for giving me the chance to be part of this group of wonderful people. I love you guys so much. I hope that I'll be able to contribute to this as much as it has done for me. This was a perfect chance at the right time for me to put to use the lessons I learnt just so recently. To all the guys from the cast, and down at the Avalon. You all rock so much. All the best in your work and studies. I'll miss you guys while I'm in Thailand.

-All Those I Didn't Mention-
No. It's not I don't know who you guys are. Just that there're so many to mention. Darren. Terry. Selena. Shareen. Luvena. Zer. Goh. Tay. JX. Yong Theng. Xandra. Elyanna. The guys from ROS, SBR, SBF. Eve. Cindy. Cheryl. Sarah. Eunice. Diana. Grace. Dawn. Pris. Jis. My beloved cousins En, Ling, Li, Jing. Allan. Damien. Dong Li. Kar Wai. Jack. Paul. Erzwin. Efrem. Lawrence. Ernest. The list goes on and on. Thanks for being a part of my life and for the influence and part you guys played in it.

I guess this will be my last blog till I am back in Febuary. I'll miss you guys. Take care all...God bless.

2005-01-06T11:24:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Iron Maiden - Infinite Dreams

Here we are. One day before I leave for ATEC in Crescendo, Thailand. It's funny how they are more than willing to chuck us in some Never Never Land for training where there's unrest in the Southern Border, Tsunami stricken areas to the west, and not give us overseas allowances. The misers. But well, we've been "assured" that we're at least hundreds of kilometres away from any Tsunamis, or violent militants. They even said that should another Tsunami hit, we'll be safer in Thailand than in Singapore. So what about my friends and family who're here?

This entire week has passed really quickly. So many things have been happening, and all in preparation for ATEC. Went back to camp on Monday night after a whole week off from camp. Booked out every single day till yesterday to go to MINDEF for some wet cohesion games. Which didn't really matter or mean anything to me. But one thing I'm thankful for is that I didn't have to go with the advance party. If not, I'll be in Thailand now.

I guess this is it. After this 3½ weeks... I dare say a good deal of my army life is just about completed. After we return, the commanders will be clearing leave, then the men, then a long wait to my turn. But I guess it all works somehow here and there.

I've got 2 weddings to attend in Febuary. And they both fall on the same day. What is it with the dates abd all man. I'm gonna be the best man for one of them, so I guess it's obvious which one I'll be attending. I can't believe he chose me. It's such an honour. If you're reading this, thanks bro.

2005-01-03T13:32:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Taufik Batisah - I Dream

::Happy Birthday Terence::

Well, it was Terence's birthday yesterday. Went down to the Avalon to celebrate it. It was a great evening with food and wine and lotsa fun. It's really interesting to see a bunch of people from all over the place bond together over something as simple as a play. Gee...I'd say it did a better job over a few rehearsals than my entire time in Tekong as a recruit.

::I Dream::

And so 2005 goes full steam ahead. It still seems like Christmas eve to me, and it's already the 3rd today. I'll be off to Crescendo, Thailand this Saturday for the next 3 weeks or so. Don't know what else I need to pack. Guess I've been out of camp for too long. I can't remember anything at all.

ATEC may be drawing nearer, but it also means that I have to make up my mind about where I want to go as well. I want to take a little holiday after ATEC. It was supposed to have been in Melbourne, but...I don't really know that anymore. I have a host of other places I want to go to, but the travelling time and cost just don't really seem to be worth it for such a short trip. And no matter how I reason with myself, I end up with the same destination. For whatever reason it may be.

Things sure have been different these days. In a good way. I see myself doing things and working towrds things I've only dreamed about in the past. Things have been going both right and wrong ways, but I guess I've been taking it well so far. Perhaps I've really been having the wrong perspective about many things until recently. And also the wrong methods of handling stuff. Oh well, but at least things are better now.

A new year, a new beginning, a new perspective, a new hope, etc... But somehow, some things just don't change. And yes, for now it's still but a dream. And life has to go on.

2005-01-01T18:16:00.000+08:00

Now Playing:Julie London - Fly Me To The Moon

::Happy New Year::

Here we are. The beginning of a brand new year. May all of you have a very blessed new year. Ok, that said and done, let's get on with more important things.

::SHANGHAI SURPRISE::

New year's eve was simply fantastic. Went down to Carlton Hotel just before noon as I was supposed to. Turned out that I was "early". Bummed around while watching the rest get their make up and hair done. Then we had a little dry run on the stage itself. For some unknown reason, I forgot one of my lines, but I guess it was just a minor thing. Did our sound checks and all, then it was the guys' turn to get our make up done.

So many things were going on at once, and I'm amazed at how everything just fell into place despite many many hiccups. Everyone was very professional and props to the entire cast and committee for being so professional in their own roles. Especially when the girls couldn't fit into their cheongsams. It started with just one, but suddenly everyone realised that they couldn't fit into their cheongsams when they could in the morning. Everyone freaked and all. Heh. Thank God there were some extra cheongsams that were brought along. They later found out that the cheongsams shrank when they ironed it in the afternoon. Everything was settled in the end and every one looked absolutely stunning. Even our sound guy and props helper(who's very good looking by the way) looked better than many if not most of the guests.

The show went on and I think it was simply fantastic. Everything went on nicely and all hiccups were transparent to the guests. We all had a great time and at the end of it all, all our efforts and time spent in rehearsals and all were more than worth it.
I'm really grateful that I was given an oppurtunity such as this. I had loads of fun and am quite upset that it's already over. I hope there'll be more oppurtunities like this in the near future. This entire journey has taught me many things. About myself especially. And the new friendships forged are worth more than anything I could think of. I guess even my friends have noticed the change in me. Heh. Oh well...it is a new year, a new beginning, a new everything.

Headed back to the Avalon after everything was done. Hung out, talked and had supper. It was a very emotional moment for some. Even me.

Here are but some of the pics taken yesterday. More pics can be viewed here, or via the links on the navigation bar on the left.

2004-12-31T10:04:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: XXXessive - Alone

Right...today's the day. New Year's Eve. The day of the show. After more than a month of rehearsals, this is it. I'm not really feeling it now, but I expect to get a little jittery later in the day. Yes...I love that feeling. The adrenalin and all. Wooosh...

Anyway, yesterday was fun. Went out with Yi En. Went to Cafe Cartel at J8. Pity Yi Li and Yi Ling weren't there. Even more so I wish Jing Jing was there. Oh well. Went for rehearsal. It was so fun. Had a full dress rehearsal. It was so fun. Heh...

Headed to Prata House to grab a bite when Darren finally called me back. We decided to meet at the coffeeshop near Nee Soon Camp, and the next thing I know, the dude went to the wrong place and I ended up going a little further down the road to look for him and Candice. Just wish I got to meet Nel before her left today...

Gotta rush my breakfast and get ready to go down to Carlton already. Here are some pics from yesterday...

My cousin Yi En.

Rehearsals~ Shaun and I.

Jenibelle and Me.

Darren and Me.

Candice and Me.

Darren and Candice.

2004-12-29T23:55:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Tchaikovsky - Swan Lake, Ballet Suite

::Back To The Future::

Today was simply awesome! I took a trip back in time and visited JB!! Ok, so maybe it's lame, but hey, Liang thinks that they're behind us. Which is true to quite an extent, so yeah.

Well, I went, I saw, I bought. Objective met, and well, I guess I really enjoyed myself. Took the bus into JB in the morning with Glo. Took a walk to City Square, and I went on my own to the shop that Sara told me about. It wasn't hard to find at all. Bought my jacket and gloves. I'd bought another jacket, but the funds were very limited. But overall, I'm delightfully pleased about today's little trip.

Had a fantastic lunch at Secret Recepie at City Square. They have the same menu as Singapore. And it's really half price. You get the same grub for half the price and damn, it's good stuff! Had this really HUGE doughnut from Starbucks too. Walked around, took a neoprint. And I haven't taken a neoprint for over 2 years already. I felt totally childish and all. But heck, I guess it's along needed break away from whatever's bugging me. I guess it was a little therapy session for me. Just doing whatever, and shopping.

About to take the bus back when we passed the train station and decided that we'd take the train back Singapore. Yup. My first time. Well, I did take it as a kid, but that was so long ago I can't remember jack shit about it. By golly, it was so fun!! Taking the train back was simply awesome. I'm so going to do that again sometime. For sure.

Well, we ended at Tanjong Pagar Station. And yes it was a fun trip. Headed to City Hall, then CityLink Mall before coming back home. It was really good fun. I wish more people were here. I wish I had the chance to go to KL last month. It would have been heavenly. Sometimes...I really wish I did...

Anyway, the link to some of the pics I took today are here.
You can also access the pics by clicking on the top photo link on the left and go to the album titled JB. Cheerio~

2004-12-29T01:08:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: 张学友 - 你的名字, 我的姓氏

*yawnz* What a day... sometimes I feel that I really need to get my ass off the chair and do something more constructive with my time. I mean, I just rot and waste my time here doing nothing.

Let's see, didn't do anything much yesterday. Booked out in the afternoon, and came home. Had dinner with Jis and then headed for rehearsals. Seems like they want me to be more of myself than what I have been portraying my character to be. After all this while, I just have to be me... Feel so silly now. But I guess it's good? Jacquie said I was alot better today. I guess it all works out then. I'm so excited...Friday's the actual performance already! Hope it all goes well.

Heading to JB tomorrow. I wanna try hungt for a pair of gloves and a jacket...

2004-12-28T11:28:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Black Label Society - Throwin' It All Away

-=Questionnaire=-
1. What time is it? 1128hrs
2. Name: Joel/Zakk (So don't flip when I leave a name as Zakk in the future)
3. Hometown: Singapore
5. Number of candles on your last birthday cake? 2 big ones and 2 small ones
6. Birthday: 13th Nov 1982
7. Hair color: Black
8. Eye color: Dark brown
9. How much do you love your job?: Being a rifleman's alot more fun...
10. Current Residence: Sin Ming Ave, Mandai Hill Camp
11. Favorite Foods?: Mum's cooking.
12. Been To Israel?: No.
13. What other countries have you been to?: Australia, Canada, USA, Mexico, Hong Kong, Thailand, East and West Malaysia, China, Indonesia.
14. Love someone so much it made you cry?: Let's not go there.
15. Been in a car accident?: Yes, but I wasn't driving. Bike accident, yes.
16. Croutons or bacon bits?: Bacon bits.
17. Favorite day of the week?: Book out day.
18. Favorite word or phrase?: "For sure..."
19. Favorite Restaurant(s)?: Shark Fin House. Genghis Khan.
20. Favorite flower(s)?: Tulips.
21. Favorite sport to watch?: Skateboarding. MotoGP. Extreme Sports.
22. Favorite Drink?: "Kopi Peng Gao", Daquiri, water, milk.
23. Favorite Ice cream?: Choc, Rum n Raisin, Sorbets...
24. T.V. or Company?: Huh..?
25. Favorite fast food restaurant?: Mac's, BK.
26. What color is your bedroom carpet?: Don't have one.
27. How many times did you fail your drivers test?: 0.
28. Favorite store?: No preference.
28. What do you do most often when you're bored?: Rot online, sleep, eat, run, play guitar.
29. Most annoying question people ask you?: What do you wanna do after you ORD?
30. Introvert or extrovert?: I've got a split personality.
31. Favorite TV show?: Two Of A Kind, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, SouthPark, etc...
32. What's in your CD player right now?: An MP3 disc with Jazz, Chinese, Guitar artists, and other songs...
33. Last person you went out to dinner with?: Jissica.
34. Ford or Chevy?: Ferrari.
35. Favorite pet?: I love animals.
36. What is the last movie you saw?: The Phantom Of The Opera
37. Black or white?: Both.
38. Time you finished?: 1142hrs

2004-12-26T21:02:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Joe Satriani - Crush Of Love

Well, yet another week has gone by. Christmas is over. And so we all carry on with our peasent lives. Slaving to the grind, working our fingers to the bone, all in search of a better life with more money and whatnot. At the same time, transparent to us, the people we work for benefit from our blood, sweat and tears. We end up with more taxes, more bills and more debts. As for them, they sit back, relax, and the money keeps rolling in from every side.

Yes. That'd be an ideal life. But how do we go about making that happen? To make money work for us? To tell people what to do instead of doing things for them? Honestly, I don't have a clue. And I don't even know why am I talking about such retarded matters. I'm tired. I'm very very very tired. I'm just babbling nonsense.

Church today was alright. Had lunch with PK and those from his year. Went home, then headed to town to meet Paul for a KTV session. I killed my voice, am absolutely discouraged now, and have no plans for singing in the near future.

I just want Encik to let me go for rehearsal tomorrow, and to go for off on Tuesday. I want to go scout for gloves and a jacket in JB on Wednesday...My foot is rotting...it's getting worse. Argh!

41 weeks to go...

2004-12-25T11:53:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: 王力宏 - 你不在

::Merry Chrsitmas::

First things first, Merry Christmas to everyone. I can't believe it's Christmas already, with only 12 hours of it left. I mean, I've waited an entire year for this day since last year and this is it?? I don't know why, but Christmas this year sure doesn't feel like Christmas. Maybe it's because there's been too many things happening to make me soak up the festive spirit, maybe it's because I'm leaving for Crescendo in about 14 days, maybe it's the army, maybe, maybe. Then again, I'm not the only person who feels this way. Maybe it's just that Christmas has kinda lost it's meaning to many of us...

Had our Battallion Cohesion Day yesterday. Had games and all that. Well, those who had to play that is. I just waited till we booked out.

In some ways, I guess it could have been more fun if things weren't the way they were? But well, I guess that's the way life is and we've all got our little bit of shit to deal with every now and then.

Came back to sleep a lil before going for the Christmas eve service over at Galilee. Josh came along. It was pretty cool, I mean, absolutely almost no one could recognise him. They simply walked right past him not knowing who he was. Some thought he was a friend I brought. Iris's mum totally didn't believe that he was my brother. She even went around pulling people to vouch that it really was him. Hilarious.

Dropped Josh off at West Coast Park after the service, then headed to Breco at Bugis to meet Glo, Nel, Dawn and whoever. Yeps. Finally played bridge after an eternity. I guess in some ways, last night was different. Got alot of comments from Glo about wanting to head Down Under after I'm back from Thailand. Oh well.

Merry Christmas all!

2004-12-23T17:03:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: 王力宏 - 两个人不等于我们

::messed up::
And so I totally messed up my rehearsal yesterday. Perhaps I was just feeling really tired. Perhaps it was something else. Whatever it was, I was totally unprofessional and let issues get to me in the midst of rehearsals. Lines, emotions, everything was just like rojak. Had I known that Encik was on leave today, I would have only went back to camp this morning.

But well, since he's on leave today, we decided to just take half the day off and simply not care. Well, I know it's a really silly thing to do, but then again, I just had to get out of camp. I just wish I could take the day off tomorrow, but noooo....they just won't let us simply because there's some battallion cohesion thing going on. I mean...c'mon...battallion cohesion?! Get real...We see each other everyday, cheong sua together, kena tekan together, do silly things together...what kinda cohesion is there left man... Sheesh. And even if so, there's no need to get involved in how we foster our ties and friendships...that's for sure...

Been exceptionally lethargic and tired lately... Don't know why. But I finally hit my 20 today. Beat that bro! 20!! I win!! Hahaha...

And cool...Goh just called...the guys are having nights off tonight. Guess I don't have to worry anymore. Woohoo!!

2004-12-22T17:23:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: 周杰伦 - 安静

Happy Birthday to you.

2004-12-19T21:32:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Michael Crawford - Somewhere In Time

I feel...disenchanted with alot of things. I don't really know why? But somehow, I feel that everything's just so unfair right now. And it's really getting to me. Maybe I'm just tired from having not slept more than 5 hours in the past almost 3 days.

Anyway, I did manage to rush to JB for some petrol this morning just before rushing off to church for service. Had lunch with PK and the people from his year. Really weird. He's starting to get involved in church more and more. What am I doing...*sigh* Al Ameen with PK and Eve. Swimming at Flame Tree....

Christmas is this Saturday, and I hardly even feel the festive mood. Apart from the faint echoes of carols and the likes from a radio station, I hardly remember it's Christmas. It's very much unlike what I remembered the Christmas season to be like. Maybe it's just NS. Maybe it's the lack of moolah to enjoy it. Maybe it's just that I have not been in the best of moods cuz....I'm simply not in the mood. Who cares.

2004-12-19T15:24:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Dick Lee - Follow Your Heart

Follow Your Heart

When will you go away?
I knew you would someday
I've known it all along
I've just been waiting for you to say
This is your time to grow
So don't say a word, just go
As long as I'm part of you
It's all that I'll ever need to know

Follow your heart, I'll understand
It's something that you must do
Look for your dream and then when you return
I will be here waiting for you

When will you say goodbye?
Do we have many nights?
I'm gonna be so strong
Try my best not to break down and cry
Here is the change I knew
Would finally come to you
But don't change your love for me
Think of me no matter what you do

Follow your heart, I'll understand
It's something that you must do
Look for your dream and then when you return
I will be here waiting for you

This is your time to grow
So don't say a word, just go
As long as I'm part of you
It's all that I'll ever need to know

Follow your heart, I'll understand
It's something that you must do
Look for your dream and then when you return
I will be here waiting for you
Waiting for you

2004-12-18T02:43:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Jeff Beck - Greensleves

Right. I have to go back to camp for guard duty because I am a reserve. If Zaihan don't turn up, I'm gonna hate him eternally for that. So much shit has been happening. Argh. Sleepy. 3 hours more before I head back to camp. Don't know how much longer can I hold out with not sleeping. Haven't been sleeping enough. I need sleep. Badly.

Oh yes...went to HV. I guess it was a long overdue meeting. *sigh*

2004-12-16T20:24:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Elaine Paige & Barbra Dickson - I Know Him So Well

"Nothing is so good it lasts eternity, perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me from wanting far too much for far too long"

Such are the opening lines to this really beautiful song from the musical "Chess". Somehow, I don't know if it's really true, or is it my paranoid side which tends towards this school of thought. From the way I see things, life has always been like this for me.

"No one in your life is with you constantly, no one is completely on your side
And though I move my world to be with him, still the gap between us is too wide"

And for now, the above has never been more true.

Just got back today from Ex Pegasus, which lasted from Monday till today. Well, it was the first exercise I went out as a storeman. And even though the life is so much different and easier, something inside tells me I should and I want to be out there with the guys...

I left for Pegasus on Monday in the craziest state of mind ever. What's the point in all of this? I mean, seriously. If it's really true that the higher you climb, the harder you fall(in every sense), then why even bother? I'll just be setting myself for a major self destruction course. It's so much easier being angry and pissed off at the world isn't it? I really wish I could...if there was a way, I'd stick my middle finger at the entire world with a huge ass gigantic FUCK YOU!!

2004-12-12T19:27:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Dick Lee - Follow Your Heart

I'm so tired. Couldn't for the life of me stay awake during service this morning. And even when I was at the library before heading to UAN, I was so sleepy. And I totally KOed while waiting for Ros to come down to rehearse.

I'm rather pleased at the new additions Ros and I added to the script for my part. It seems to all blend in better than before. And especially the letter reading part.

I'm speaking in broken sentences. I'm so tired. And we've got Ex. Pegasus from tomorrow till Thursday. Not that I'm gonna cheong. Gonna be a storeman. Given a chance, I'd rather cheong than to be with the other storemen. Sheesh.

Hmm...Nicole's coming back tomorrow....

2004-12-11T23:53:00.000+08:00

Now Playing: Zakk Wylde - White Christmas

Rotted online. Jammed to some tracks. Met Ros for a rehearsal. Added new stuff to our part of the play. JSOM guys said we were lacking moments and emotions. I guess they're right. This play somehow is very close to me. In many many ways... Hung around town. Feeling down and out. But I guess nothing else matters.